I sit here thinking back over my life to things that have been said to me and how I have been treated. I have always been excluded, made fun of and ridiculed. Why? What did I do that was so wrong? My heart was sincere…I wanted to know someone cared about me. I wanted to know I mattered. I wanted to help others but it seemed my help was never wanted.
Now to clarify…I was raised in a good home where I was taken care of properly. Just wasn’t shown much encouragement to have dreams and goals. My confidence and self esteem were never built up. I am speaking mainly of classmates and co-workers even church members who pushed me aside. Teachers who humiliated me in front of the class even though I was a good student. I just wonder why. And I sit here wondering why all this is on my mind when many of these things happened so long ago. Doesn’t really matter at this point in my life. Perhaps it is so I can finally deal with it and let go of all the feelings of inadequacy and being unwanted, unloved, never good enough.
Enough thoughts for now.