Stress and Gratitude……

Real stressed. People (most) are just screwed….yeah I know that it’s not that simple. We just have to do what need to do and get where need to be….’sorry about that’…..Heard a conversation about gratitude and the joys and wonderful things it can do for your life and Gee low blood pressure and less stress. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done a bunch of Selfhelp stuff through the yrs. Because I went into it all with the words….it’s hopeless….it all wasn’t going to work out of the box. However with that said…..I can like all the avenues I’ve looked at would work for folks. I just don’t buy into it. The mind is a powerful tool and I’m using mine to get the heck out of dodge. Of course it’s not that simple but over time if you tell yourself something you go in that direction. I’m dying. I don’t plan on a long life and I won’t be a burden to those that would be family. I’ve read to much stuff about growing old and I don’t have the energy for it. Retirement should be easy? It’s not….the older you get the harder and worse it gets… way….I can’t do anything about it now! However…I will make my own plans and follow through. In the meantime…I’m sure my blood sugar is off the charts…my back is in pain all the time….I don’t sleep….I don’t care….I don’t have the want to be here. I’m really stressed about my having to “save” my Nephew. I look at it and just see that’s why I’m here…..I don’t see, I do see where he is and I do understand….just don’t agree with any of it. So I’m the one that covers him and his family till….when…..It’s a two yr. lease on a home he can’t even cover rent till March!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah….I know that it will be fine after that….but it’s not how I see things. And there is the kids…………….I just don’t know……..So…beer and shots. I’m not young so in my perverted Fantasy I don’t see the men as my age….don’t get me wrong….we’re legal for sure…..but hey if they are in there 30’s why not?! Beard, tattoos, not looking for buff, but hey I won’t argue! We could just lay together…don’t care about sex, just the feel of His body next to mine….Sweet! Anyway, I have a week off and after this stupid Thanksgiving crap is done I’m not letting anyone know that I’m off. I don’t want to spend time with anyone and I don’t care that my Great nephew is home from college with his new girlfriend. Don’t want to feel like I have to….gus I just don’t have to F^&king want to or need to! Thanks….But do have a nice holiday if that’s your thing!

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