thanksgiving bluez

Family is always there, always trying to use something against you.. resent you for something. It’s hard for me to sympathize with pain, only because I don’t know life with out pain. The future freaks me out. I start speeding down the freeway, blunt in one hand and music blaring. Trying to drown out the anxious thoughts, wondering where you are, what you’re doing, if you ever think of me. The fall of 2016 felt like a dream with him that was constantly interrupted by the bullshit I opened the door for. My love, my soul mate, just the sight of his face is enough for my heart to melt. Every thought, every instant, every breath.. it’s almost like he knew what I needed before I realized it even existed. I got to see that face tonight. Parked my car, heart was racing in the best way possible. Told a white lie, said I was in the neighborhood. Walked into Yacht Club and went straight to the bartender when I heard my name across the way. Just his voice calling my name brought me back. I always cherish the time I have with him.. surrounded by his fellow friends and just being in his company. I take what I can get because I love this guy. I love him with every inch of my entire soul, couldn’t name one thing wrong with him besides the fact that he is so fucking stubborn. The air is heavier without him, it’s harder to breathe. Walked me to my car. Got 3 hugs in and even got a kiss on the forehead. Started to tear up when he found something wrong on my car because that is just one more thing I have to deal with. He knew that wasn’t the reason. He waited for me to answer honestly but all I could say was that I missed him and everything was piling up. Then I finished the second half of my blunt and as I waited for him to get his bike started up. Followed him, he showed me a fast route to the freeway. Speeding and showing off, making me want him more and more. I teared up because I never know when I’m going to see him again. I’m always scared that it’s gonna be the last time and I hope it never is. xo    

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