Hello….Well…I am finally back after many days. Thanksgiving was last Thursday but it was the plainest I have had…I was not cheerful to hear anything. I was getting tossed at. The worst was that mum was not there. She is usually there. No this time….The worse thing was that my boyfriend didn’t even send me a nice text message saying how has my life been or are you okay and such. I have heard nothing from him in a long time. It has been a day filled with curves and twists. I still like him. I still have feelings for him. But the thing is he probably doesn’t love me. I kept asking my friends. They all said that he might not like me or have feelings for me in that way like he used to. I am still holding onto hope. It’s silly now that I think about it. Life continues and there is no point is getting ashamed. The thing is, whenever I was around him i stuttered alot. There was nothing to talk about and we would start a simple conversation and then stay silent until either of us talked first. That sucks….There was a time when i felt he didn’t care…YES MANY!!!!Why am I so delusional. already thinking bout marriage and such. 

I have such a childish fantasy…When I get married, I want to have a big wedding. I want to take many photos at my wedding and finally be able to share my life with the person you love. But this i just a cover for the wedding couple. Some couples won’t even last long together. Love will vanish….Maybe it won’t…..My fantasy is that we will live together and we will have children and cherish them. I will love this person very much and will always say “Welcome Home” to him when he arrives home. Whenever he arrives home from work, I will cook his favourite meal. Maybe I will help him put on his tie. I will give him a sweet kiss everytime he leaves for work. When I see him in the afternoon, we will talk about our day. We will hold hands and finally be able to walk beside each other. I will always give him hugs from behind and surprise him. I will want him to hold me closely to him. If I am scared, I will want him to be able to say it’s okay and hug me tightly. Like those couples in the photo. When he comes home, I would like to hear him say to me “Honey, I’m home”. Such sweet words would make me so happy. I hope he will be able to understand me. 

This is my story. Not yet.  Just one day I hope to remember what I wrote and be able to see what i written. 

I think I am caught up in lies. My life is a whole lie. 

One thought on “Back”

  1. hey , I love your journal entries I read them and think ” well shit, they get life” you said “my whole life is a lie” oh Hun, everyone’s life is a lie . After all a heart is just a heart , just another organ that pumps blood through your body . Were human, were just scientific explanations . Yet I often wonder. where’s our explanation?

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