I Love The Idea Of…

When I was younger, I made friends with a boy named Casper. His family was transferring here from out of country. I can’t remember if it was a military transfer or something else and I can’t remember where they were coming from, though, Australia comes to mind. What I do remember is that when he got here, we hung out one night. We got hot chocolate and went for a walk. There was a nearby neighborhood that was being built so, at the time, it was just frames of houses. We climbed to the second story of a framed house with no roof. We lay there for what felt like forever. We just stared at the stars and talked… But what I remember most was the freedom in the conversation. We literally just lay there, staring at the stars and saying whatever came to mind. We weren’t afraid of criticism or judgement. We weren’t wondering if the other person liked or loved us and/or where would this go? We just were. Raw and real, two teenagers, hot chocolate and a night long conversation.  We laughed, we smiled and I’m sure I cried a time or two because that was when I was a vulnerable teenager who hadn’t yet learned how to stuff it all down, shove the pain in the box and fake the smile for everyone. Yet, I still wasn’t afraid. I cried, so what? He was the type to be there for me if I needed it and if I wanted to play tough, he’d just lay next to me anyways… 

Fast forward 15 or so years to today and I still wonder how a genuine connection could’ve been so easy. In today’s world of online dating, texting and SnapChat, it’s like we’re constantly judging someone and interviewing them to see if they’re qualified for the next phase, whatever that is. Giving them my number maybe, considering going out? I don’t know. What I know is that all my life, I’ve looked for that same simplicity. My first love and I may have been a disaster but we connected none the less. We used to talk for hours… We would park the car and just lay there, staring out the sunroof and talking about life. One time we found a skate park and the police came ha-ha. We had to leave but it was fun while it lasted. Then there was the last guy, the one you hear about all the time, Andrew. He couldn’t be more different than the first guy, yet we instantly connected just the same. From day one our emails turned to texts and phone calls that lasted as long as we were together. We talked about love and life and family issues and how we see the world, our hopes and dreams and fears and heartbreaks… We would go up to Evans Creek, an hour or so drive to sit and talk where we were surrounded by trees and a raging river. Now, everyday I get emails and I dread the future conversation… It’s bad enough that I despise social media and have boycotted all of it for more than 6 months now. No photos, no updates, nothing. And it’s because people are obsessed. They’re robots. Put your freaking phones down! Anyways, the conversations I get are typically just as bad. “Hi. Hello. How are you? Fine. That’s good. Yep.”… Like seriously, that is supposed to be an intriguing conversation that I was to pursue? No thanks. And it happens all the time. I will ask questions, trying to get to know someone and they’ll respond with the answers and no follow up question whatsoever. It shows no effort to get to know me and I don’t think conversations, let alone email conversations, should be awkward. I am a bubbly person, I want to be like “Hey handsome! How was your weekend?!” And get responses that are just as exciting. Or someone who answers questions and wants to know things about me, too. With the relationships mentioned above, it always flowed so simply that I felt at ease from the get go. I loved our conversations and always looked forward to the next one. Anyways, I guess I am going to cut this off here. I realize I am ranting and at the end of the day, the point is, I hate the way today’s dating world is and miss when things were just… simple. 

 

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