Confessions…

Journal

Energy, life, or what we’ve been taught to believe is God (toward me)is being sly, elusive in giving, and slighting…

First, truth be told, there is no such thing as God, but I get “it”. It’s comforting to most people to need something to believe in. Such kinda keeps you off, the ledge…

The women, my solace, my entertainment, and transportation have been taken away. I have been reduced to a room, again. It’s interesting because I’ve never gone to jail, yet in many ways, I’m always forced to live like I’m in, a prison of some sort.

My parents and family (and most people around me) are religious. So, there’s always a disconnect. This distance was ok, when I had things like wi-fi, television, and transportation(affirmations I read toward everyday relentlessly-which were not actualized), but now, there’s a void. I consistently talk myself out of suicide, moment by moment. The balance exchange has dwindled down into inner sensual back and forth…

So, as I write here, alone, distant from any person, what really is, there? Is this absent essence of some sort of substance? Is this subject matter, exuding some sort of wisdom or direction for me? Is “it” nothing, except what I make it, like existence??

Sort of, likely.

See, life is fucked up, and it’s not really leading anywhere, innately(unless you will it so). You can ask deep questions, and even get them answered. But, such will be accompanied with something to make you not really want, what you thought you did. This truth has prevented me from praying like I thought I had, need, or wanted to…

There’s really nothing for me to do. My parents (members of The Church Without Walls), and family (The Rock),  are all victims (like many) of the biggest cult known to mankind: religion, and are all my choices allow to circumference me. (They are victims of Masonic ruling, and for now, I’m destined for what I’ve described.)

I could escape into some sort of debauchery for momentarily relief, but I’d have to care enough, for such. These muses? I also assume such could be an issue, if I truly cared enough for such. And as for the rest of it? Well, my guess is, that it’ll prolly be, whatever it’ll be.

😳

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