Day 3 December 24,2017 8:21pm

Well I went through my scared stage and my angry stage now I’m going through the regret and sandness stage. I’m feeling real bad for Red and sorry for him that he is in jail and spending the holidays there and I’m starting to miss him. I drove to the jail tonight and just sat in the parking lot because I just wanted to feel close to him again. The first night alone when he went to jail I was so so scared he was gonna get out and come back here. I went to bed and had a nightmare that he came back and we were fighting and the cops came and said he did not have to leave here so I was sobbing and having a panic attack in my dream and I woke up gasping for breath and crying. It was sooo weird. But moms been an asshole today. I’m getting sick of it. I’m going through so much and have so many emotions right now and people need to be understanding that I’m gonna be a little Ill but if u can’t be understanding of that and not scream at me and say crazy shit then ur not understanding of me at all and I’m not gonna be around that!!! I left Red for that shit and I will be damed if I’m gonna here from someone else. She got mad because she bought me an apple pie and I told her it wasn’t the one I like because I only like the lie for the crust on top and this one had crumble on top which I hate. So first she screamed she was gonna take it to My Aunts  and then screamed she was gonna throw it in the road and run over it and saying she can’t please nobody and just crazy shit so I left and she has called me 100 times and I’m not answering her. I’m not dealing with this shit!! I have way to much going on in my life in my mind right now then to put up with this too. I have my own home and I finally got Fred away and I refused to be yelled at and talked to like a dog ever again!! So people wanna be that way then I’m coming home locking my door unplugging the phone and put my cell on silent!! I refuse to even acknowledge that shit ever again!!! So Christmas Eve is ruined. Me and Hannah are here alone. She’s in her room I’m in mine and yea life sucks. I feel sorry for my daughter that her Christmas is ruined too. She wrote a card to her dad for Christmas asking him to get help. G(Reds power of attorney)said he talked to him last night and he said he never laid a hand on me. He wants to get out of jail so bad G said. He wants G to call his mom and Dad and everyone to see if they will get him out. G is going to visit Fm at 8 am in the morning for Christmas and I’m gonna take Hannah up there to see him and give him her card. I’m not going in there though I’m gonna send her in with G. 

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