New Beginning

It’s been years since I have had anything remotely close to this, and for that I am grateful. I just love being able to let the words flow through my fingers, even if I have nothing to say. It keeps me sharp. Keeps me on my toes. Not many could understand that, but hey. Go with what works, right? 

I have always dreamed of being a writer, but I have found that my mind always draws a blank. Not writer’s block, but something far worse. It comes in blips, and out of order. Nothing makes sense when I try to put it together, like a puzzle and I only get two pieces a month.

Stuck at home, I decided to be a freelance transcriptionist. Ha! Averages $2 an hour. No, thank you. I have kids to handle, one of whom is young and I can’t afford preschool.  Life just keeps getting harder and harder, no matter how much I try to get one step ahead or to even stay afloat. A book would help with that, right? Damn. 

I really do feel free when I “write.” Liberated. Like I can breathe. For the first time in months, I can breathe. Netflix doesn’t offer much of an escape these days, although I did recently start Supernatural. And by “recently,” I mean that I have watched eight seasons in two weeks. Haha. It’s hard to sleep when you feel the weight of every single mistake, from childhood even, crushing you. Every time you close your eyes, you hear and see everything that you regret. Every fork in the road where you would choose the other path. Every tunnel you wouldn’t go through again. Nightmares of watching the same family member dying every other night, even though they are alive in reality. It’s crippling. Oh, well. That’s what coffee’s for! Thank God! 

For months, it was hard to see the silver lining in anything. Lately, it’s been getting better. hell, even my boyfriend has started whistling new tunes. To keep my idle hands at bay, I have been knitting and crocheting. It works, remarkably. Never saw that coming. And it is SO MUCH fun!! So far, I have made 5 hats, 4 scarves and now I’m working on a project just for me. The satisfaction I have, the sweet light of victory from completing a project, it’s… well, amazing. It’s healing. It’s motivation to get things done around the house before picking up the needles and the hooks. It’s the fun of playing with skeins to re-roll them to better suit my needs. To see everyone wearing what I made, with smiles on their faces, is a reward I haven’t seen or felt in almost a decade. 

 

 

I am so grateful I found this site. 

One thought on “New Beginning”

  1. Honestly, i think you could write a really good book. Reading this entry was like reading a First chapter of a good book. I believe in you!!!

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