Monday January 1st

I went to be around 10 last night and slept until 9am. One of the smoke detectors started beeping in the middle of the night. Ugh! I put in ear plugs and  went back to sleep. I seem to have stopped it now. I dreamed two really detailed crazy dreams. One dream was that I had signed a lease on an amazing apartment in NYC. I went to the door as a kind of joke thinking no way could that be my apartment, and it was. It had multiple bedrooms and a large living area, it was crazy fancy – and kinda weird (it was a dream). There was another family there looking at it,too, but I knew i had already signed the lease for it. Noah was with me and he couldn’t believe how nice it was, either. I was also aware/sad that I had already moved all my stuff back to Kentucky and I knew I would not be able to really live there, but it was such a great apartment, albeit weird.

The second dream was about a wedding. First I was going to the wedding, then I was in the wedding. It kind of tied to my apartment dream. My apartment was in a building that also had hotel rooms and my friends were all staying the the hotel room part because the were there for a wedding. I came to their part to visit them. I kept leaving my coat and my purse places and having to look for them. Deedra asked me to call Brad’s room as he was also there for this wedding, but when she called the room she was told he wasn’t there or something, so she wanted me to call. I did. 

as we are going to the wedding, there is a kid production of Wicked occurring in the hotel at the same time. I speak to some of the kids that are getting ready to go on stage and tell them to “break a leg.” Once in the mega church where the wedding is occurring, there are literally hundreds of people that are in the wedding. We are ushered in and seated in an area that would be for a choir. We don’t seem to be in any particular order. Different members of the huge wedding party began getting up and performing musical numbers. At some point, it is clear that one person, bride or groom is from Tennessee because they play Rocky Top, and then the other person was from another SEC school??? A deep south school, and they played their song as well. Games were played during the wedding, food was served, and like in most of my dreams, I had my Blackberry Pearl phone. I always have a low quality phone in my dreams. And sometimes I am even aware that I have the nonsmart phone because it must be a dream. The wedding and party went on and on. Such a strange dream. 

Today is my first day of my promise to myself. I am not going to reach out to anyone anymore. If they don’t want to be in my life, so be it. I will not beg any longer. I will take care of myself, my animals, and be the very best teacher I can be. 

I am going to stay here, in Kentucky, until I am 55 at least and get my retirement from the school system. Once I have that, I will decide what to do next. I 

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