The company of anxiety.

Dear Self,

If you’re reading this I want you to know that you’re okay. 2017 was damn terrible, painful to say the least. Anxiety challenged you to a duel so many times this year, but you won. Writing this right now, anxiety is still kicking you in the ass, however it’s not gonna bring you down any time soon.

Know this, anxiety is a state of mind and it’ll never define you.  You can call it anything you want: depression, fear, heartache, weakness, nightmare, even loss, but at the end of the day its your strength. Anxiety stops you from doing what you want or at least it tries. It has made you cry and scared so many times. It has stopped you from getting up from bed and doing what you want. It has woken you up at night wishing you weren’t so alone and afraid. But you win every time.

You win every time you wake up and take a bath after hours of just staring blankly. You win every time you open your laptop and tell your friends to drink and meet up with you. You win every time you tell yourself you don’t need him or anybody to make you feel better. But most especially, you win every time you eat and go on your every day lives thanking God that you had a good day even if it wasn’t always swell. You win today and every day you have faith and smile. 

Always remember that for every morning that you’re staring up hoping it’ll just go away, is another win for you. You’re worth it and that’s all you need to know. Believe in yourself, even on those days that you lose you still win. 

I’m not gonna lie, there will be days where you’re down, harming yourself and bringing yourself down and you can’t get out of the shower because you’re tears won’t stop, but I’m not gonna give up on you—you shouldn’t. You’re worth every bit. Wake up, take a bath, dress up and walk out that door with a strong sense of faith. Have faith in the people around you and in Him, but most of all in yourself. 

I know it’s hard, I know it’s terrible and painful but what makes you strong is your faith and your willpower to keep going. You have so much faith in other people, have that same thing with yourself. It’s 2018, if no one has told you you’re beautiful, intelligent, funny and amazing, then I am. 

Anyways, that’s all I need to say. Go watch netflix and binge eat or something, you’ll be okay, better even.

xoxo,

from the girl who’s always dancing when it’s raining.

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