I am sitting here, watching Grey’s Anatomy and texting back & forth with Cederick. Earlier I talked to Brent on the phone. I am trying to meet new people and build relationships. instead of isolating myself. It is easier to isolate. But it is healthier to form friendships. Relationships. I have been spending a lot of time in front of the tv. Either watching Netflix or playing PlayStation. Every time, I go out and hang with someone… it never goes as planned. I piss someone off. Or I am used. Or I disappoint someone. I want to be respected. I want to be able to speak and not worry what I say is going to push someone away. I sometimes worry that Monica is the only one who could ever love me completely. I am not going back to her. I will stay alone instead. I realize that I need to focus on me. my life does not need to revolve around anyone other than myself. I am important. I deserve something. I deserve happiness. I deserve relationships and bonds.