timely

I REALLY DON’T LIKE TO BE UP UNTIL ALL HOURS OF THE NIGHT, BUT THERE ARE SOME NIGHTS WHEN MY BRAIN JUST THINKS A LOT FASTER THAN OTHER NIGHTS. I DON’T UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF WHERE I’M GOING TO BE IN LIFE. I TURN ON THE TV AND I SEE ALL OF THESE FAMOUS PEOPLE PLAYING SPORTS AND CREATING AMAZING THINGS THAT WILL HELP HUMANITY, AND I’M STUCK DAYDREAMING OF WANTING TO BE THEM WITHOUT HAVING THE SKILLSET OR THE INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO SET MYSELF UP TO DO THE SAME. IT MAKES ME MORE SAD THAN I EVER HAVE BEEN TO REALIZE THAT THERE ARE SEVEN AND A HALF BILLION PEOPLE ON EARTH, AND ONLY A SELECT FEW OF THOSE SEVEN AND A HALF BILLION ARE GOING TO MAKE AN IMPACT AND BE REMEMBERED. I HAVE TROUBLE COPING WITH THE CONCEPT THAT SOMETIMES WE MAY LIVE OUR ENTIRE SEVENTY OR EIGHTY YEARS ON EARTH AND THEN JUST BECOME A PART OF IT. I DON’T THINK OF IT AS A MEANINGLESS CYCLE, BUT I EITHER HAVE TO ACCEPT THE FACT THAT I CAN ACHIEVE PERSONAL HAPPINESS BY BEING CONTENT WITH THE FACT THAT I MAY NOT HAVE ANY IMPACT AND THAT’S OKAY, OR I CAN GRUDGE AND PRAY THAT ONE DAY I FIND SOMEWAY TO DO SOMETHING THAT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE THERE IS A LITTLE MEANING IN WHAT IS GOING ON. IT’S HARD FOR ME TO FATHOM THAT I CAN LOOK UP IN THE SKY AND SEE SATTELITES AND AIRPLANES, AND WHEN I LOOK AROUND ME I SEE THINGS THAT WERE CREATED AND THOUGHT OF ENTIRELY BY OTHER HUMAN BEINGS. IS THE POINT OF LIVING TO TRY AND FLY BY TO GET TO WHAT IS AFTER, OR IS IT TO LEAVE SOMETHING BEHIND FOR THE PEOPLE THAT COME AFTER? I FEEL LIKE THAT IS A QUESTION THAT HAS BEEN STRUGGLED WITH. IT’S DISHEARTENING THAT IT LOOKS LIKE SOME KIDS DON’T HAVE THE DESIRE TO DISCOVER OR CREATE, THEY JUST HAVE A DESIRE TO GET DRUNK AND SEEMINGLY HAVE FUN, UNTIL THEY ENTER ADULTHOOD AND THEN LIVE A RELATIVELY CLICHÉ AND MEDIOCRE LIFE UNTIL THEY DIE. SOME PEOPLE DON’T HAVE THE CAPACITY OR THE SELF-AWARENESS TO UNDERSTAND THAT TIME ALWAYS IS THE SAME. A SECOND IS THE SAME RIGHT NOW AS IT WILL BE FOUR BILLION YEARS FROM NOW. TIME DOES NOT FLY WHEN YOU’RE HAVING FUN. TIME STAYS THE EXACT SAME. TIME IS A LIMITING SOCIAL CONSTRUCT. WE ALL HAVE A TIME LIMIT. EACH AND EVERY PERSON ON EARTH HAS LIVED A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF TIME, AND ONLY HAVE A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF TIME LEFT. ONE IS GOING UP, AND THE OTHER IS GOING DOWN, EACH AT THE SAME SPEED. YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN THE HALFWAY POINT IS. YOU CAN’T JUDGE WHEN IT BEGINS OR WHEN IT ENDS. THE ONLY THING FOR SURE IS THAT TIME IS THE SAME, ALWAYS. THIS IS ONLY FOR SURE BECAUSE HUMANS ARE THE JUDGE OF TIME. IF SOMEONE WERE TO COME ALONG AND CHANGE THE PERCEPTION OF TIME, THEN PEOPLE WOULDN’T THINK ANY DIFFERENTLY. WE WAKE UP IN THE MORNING AND DRINK OUR COFFEE AND GO TO WORK IN A FASHION THAT IS SUITABLE WITH WHAT HAS BEEN ESTABLISHED TO LET US KNOW THAT WE’VE BEEN ACTIVE MATTER FOR A LONG TIME, BUT WE’RE ALSO MUCH CLOSER TO BECOMING DECAYING MATTER. SINCE TIME IS THE SAME FOR EVERYONE, THE ONLY WAY TO MEASURE PERSONAL SUCCESS IS EITHER BY DEFINING WHAT PERSONAL SUCCESS IS, OR BY LOOKING AT AN INDIVIDUAL’S IMPACT WITH THE GIVEN AMOUNT OF TIME THAT THEY HAVE BEEN GIFTED WITH. FOR SOME PEOPLE, PERSONAL SUCCESS IS GOING THROUGH THE SYSTEM OF HIGH SCHOOL, COLLEGE, CAREER, FAMILY, RETIREMENT, AND ULTIMATELY, THE ENDING OF TIME. TIME IS CREATED TO HELP US MANAGE EVERYTHING IN-BETWEEN US BEING BORN AND US DYING. TIME LETS US KNOW HOW MUCH WE HAVE ACCOMPLISHED. IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF THINGS, THE UNIVERSE BEARS ALL TIME THAT EVER HAS BEEN, AND EVER WILL BE. THIS IS HARD TO FATHOM, THOUGH, BECAUSE THE ONLY TIME THAT WE WILL EVER KNOW IS THE TIME FROM WHEN WE WERE BORN FROM THE TIME WE DIE. WE CAN READ IN HISTORY BOOKS ALL OF THE DIFFERENT STORIES, AND WE CAN READ ABOUT WHAT WILL HAPPEN FAR INTO THE FUTURE, BUT THAT IS IN A TIME THAT WE WILL NEVER KNOW ABOUT AND WE WILL NEVER FULLY COMPREHEND. WE CAN ONLY FULLY ANALYZE THE TIME THAT WE SPEND ACTIVELY PARTICIPATING, AND THAT IS A SCARY THOUGHT DUE TO THE FACT THAT WE FOCUS THE MAJORITY OF OUR TIME CONCERNED ABOUT TIME THAT HAS EITHER ALREADY PASSED AND CAN’T BE CHANGED, OR THE TIME THAT WILL BE COMING AND THAT WE MAY NOT BE ABLE TO EFFECT OR WITNESS. WITH THAT, JUDGING HOW OTHER’S SPEND THEIR TIME IS A COMPLETE WASTE OF THE JUDGE’S DUE TO THE FACT THAT TIME CANNOT BE ALTERED, AND THE PROCESS OF THOUGHT AND THE REACTIONS THAT COME WITH IT ARE ALL DONE IN A MANNER TO COINCIDE WITH THE FACT THAT TIME IS LIMITED AND IT NEEDS TO BE FILLED. THERE IS NO REASON TO WORRY ABOUT HOW OTHER’S WILL SPEND THEIR TIME, ONLY WITH HOW YOU’RE PERSONALLY SPENDING YOUR TIME. TIME IS UNQIUE, BUT UNIFORM, FOR EACH INDIVIDUAL, AND IT IS UP TO THE INDIVIDUAL TO DECIDE HOW THEY ARE GOING TO SPEND THEIR TIME. IT IS PARADOXICAL OF ME TO TYPE THAT PEOPLE CAN SPEND THEIR LIMITED TIME DOING WHAT THEY WISH, AND THEN SAY THAT THEY SHOULD NOT WORRY ABOUT HOW OTHER’S SPEND THEIR LIMITED RESOURCE OF TIME. TIME IS AN ECONOMY, AND IF SOME PEOPLE WANT TO WASTE THEIR TIME ON TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WAYS ON HOW OTHER’S SPEND THEIRS, THEN THAT IS THEIR CONCERN. FOR MY OWN TIME, I AM ONLY WORRIED ABOUT HOW TO MAXIMIZE WHAT I FEEL IS BEST WITH THE LIMITED RESOURCE THAT I HAVE. EVERYONE WILL DIFFER, BUT NOT EVERYONE IS WRITING THIS ESSAY-TYPE. SOME KIDS THINK THAT GETTING DRUNK IS THE BEST WAY TO SPEND THEIR TIME, BUT I THINK THE BEST WAY TO SPEND TIME IS TO REFLECT AND TO THINK ABOUT WHAT TIME IS AND HOW I WANT TO SPEND IT. I TYPE THIS BECAUSE I JUST AM STRUGGLING WITH WANTING TO DO SOMETHING SIGNIFICANT. I STRUGGLE WITH THE FACT THAT I HAVE DREAMS, BUT SOMETIMES YOU DON’T WANT TO DREAM ANYMORE BECAUSE YOU OPEN YOUR EYES. I WANT TO MAKE IT SO THAT WHEN I GO TO BED, I WANT TO WAKE UP, BECAUSE THAT’S WHEN THE DREAMING ACTUALLY BEGINS. WHEN YOU’RE DEALING WITH SOMETHING LIKE THE SIZE OF THE EARTH, OR EVEN THE SIZE OF THE UNIVERSE, YOU NEVER FULLY CAN COMPREHEND HOW LITTLE YOU ARE COMPARED TO EVERYTHING. BUT WHEN YOU’RE AS LITTLE AS WE ARE, THEN THE DREAMS HAVE TO BE BIG. THE ONLY PROBLEM IS THAT THERE ARE LIMITING FACTORS THAT ARE BIGGER THAN THE DREAMS THAT ARE PUSHING THEM BACK. MOST OF THESE FACTORS ARE SOCIAL CONSTRUCTS, LIKE TIME, MONEY, MOTIVATION, AND EDUCATION. IF I HAD THE SAME EXPERIENCES THAT SOCRATES HAD, WOULD I BE EXACTLY LIKE SOCRATES? MY BROTHER AND I WERE RAISED IN THE EXACT SAME ENVIRONMENT AND HAD THE EXACT SAME EXPERIENCES, YET THINGS ARE NOT NECESSARILY LOOKING THE BEST FOR HIM. NATURE CAN BE GREATER THAN NURTURE, DEPENDING. THE POINT IS THAT I WANT TO FIND A WAY TO MAKE OTHER PEOPLE SPEND THEIR TIME DOING SOMETHING THAT TOOK MY TIME. IT’S VERY PARADOXICAL, BUT THINK OF IT THIS WAY: HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU LISTENED TO YOUR FAVORITE SONG? THE ARTIST OF THAT SONG HAD TO TAKE SO MUCH OF THEIR TIME TO MAKE THE LYRICS, THE PRODUCTION, AND MARKET THE SONG. YOU THEN TOOK YOUR TIME AND LISTENED TO THAT ARTIST’S SONG NUMEROUS TIMES. THAT ARTIST TOOK A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF THEIR PRECIOUS TIME, AND THEN YOU TOOK A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF YOUR PRECIOUS TIME OBSERVING WHAT THAT ARTIST DID, MOSTLY BECAUSE YOU ADMIRED AND APPRECIATED WHAT THAT PERSON DID WITH THEIR TIME AND YOU WANT IT TO BE A PART OF YOUR TIME NOW. IF THAT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE, THINK OF IT AGAIN IN TERMS OF THE ECONOMY. WHEN FORD PRODUCES A CAR, THEY HAVE TO GET ALL OF THE PARTS, THEY HAVE TO BUILD IT, AND THEN THEY HAVE TO SOMEHOW GET IT TO THE CONSUMER. THEY PUT A PRICE ON IT DUE TO THE TIME AND RESOURCES IT TOOK TO GET IT TO THE CONSUMER. WHEN SOMEONE BUYS IT, THEY FELT LIKE IT WAS WELL WORTH THE MONEY BECAUSE THEY ADMIRE IT AND THEY THINK IT WILL BE RELIABLE, STYLISH, AND EVERYTHING ELSE. ONCE AGAIN, IT’S LIKE HAVING A FAVORITE SONG. SOMEONE PUTS IN THE TIME TO CREATE THE SONG, AND THEN YOU LISTEN TO IT. IN ESSENCE, YOU’RE USING THEIR TIME. EXCEPT AT THAT POINT, IT’S NOT NORMAL TIME. IT’S INTELLECTUAL TIME. THE MUSIC THAT THEY CREATED IS A REPRESENTATION OF THEIR TIME, AND BY YOU LISTENING TO IT, YOU’RE PROVING THAT YOU ADMIRE WHAT THEY HAVE DONE WITH THEIR TIME. THE PROBLEM THAT COMES IN IS IF YOU’RE USING YOUR TIME WISELY AT THAT POINT? SHOULD YOU BE LIVING YOUR LIFE GOING ABOUT AND SEEING HOW OTHER PEOPLE HAVE SPENT THEIR TIME, OR SHOULD YOU BE CREATING YOUR OWN TIME THAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE ADMIRING? THAT IS THE ONLY THING THAT I WANT. YOU CAN EITHER BE THE PERSON THAT IS ADMIRING OTHER PEOPLES’ TIME, OR YOU CAN BE SPENDING YOUR TIME IN A FASHION THAT MAKES OTHER PEOPLE ADMIRE HOW YOU SPEND YOURS, AND MAKE THEM WANT TO SPEND THEIR LIMITED TIME DOING WHATEVER YOU DID WITH YOUR LIMITED TIME.  I WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE SOMEONE LOOK AT HOW I HAVE SPENT MY TIME, AND I WANT THEM TO SPEND THEIR TIME ADMIRING HOW I HAVE SPENT MINE. WHETHER THAT IS BY USING A PRODUCT, LOOKING AT A WEBPAGE, OR ANY OTHER RANDOM THING, IT DOESN’T MATTER. EVERYTIME YOU TYPE ON YOUR MAC OR YOU LOOK AT YOUR IPHONE, YOU ARE ADMIRING THE TIME THAT STEVE JOBS AND STEVE WOZNIACK HAD. THEY CREATED THE DEVICES ON THEIR OWN LIMITED TIME, AND NOW YOU’RE SPENDING YOUR LIMITED TIME USING SOMETHING THAT WAS CREATED BASED ON THEIR LIMITED TIME. STEVE JOBS’ TIME HAS EXPIRED, YET WE STILL USE THE PRODUCTS THAT HE CREATED WHEN HE HAD TIME. THAT IS EXTREMELY HARD TO FATHOM, THINKING THAT WE ARE USING THE THINGS STEVE JOBS CREATED WITH HIS TIME, BUT TO THINK THAT HE DOESN’T HAVE TIME ANYMORE. WE KNOW HE SPENT HIS TIME WELL IF WE STILL ARE EXTENDING HIS TIME. WE ADMIRE THE WAY HE SPENT HIS TIME. HE HAS NO MORE TIME, YET WE STILL ARE USING OUR OWN PERSONAL TIME TO DWELL ON SOMETHING HE DID WITH HIS TIME. THAT IS THE EXACT IMPACT I WANT, AND THAT’S THE IMPACT I STRUGGLE TO THINK OF WHEN I LAY AROUND AT NIGHT AND TYPE ABOUT THESE THINGS. AGAIN, TIME IS AN EXTREMELY LIMITED RESOURCE. IT’S LIKE OIL, OR BUTTER, OR ANYTHING THAT HAS A PRICE IN OUR ECONOMY. TIME HAS ITS OWN ECONOMY. THE ONLY PROBLEM IS THAT THE ECONOMY IS ONE HUNDRED PERCENT PERSONAL AND INDIVIDUAL. ALTHOUGH TIME CANNOT BE BOUGHT, IT IS LIMITED AND VALUABLE, AND CAN BE TRADED. WE TRADE IT EVERYTIME WE DO SOMETHING. WE FEEL LIKE THAT OPPORTUNITY IS WORTH THE COST OF OUR TIME. WE TAKE THE TIME OUT OF OUR DAY TO EAT TO MAKE SURE WE SURVIVE. THIS IS AN IMPORTANT PART OF OUR PERSONAL TIME ECONOMY. THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE MONETARY ECONOMY AND THE TIME ECONOMY THAT WE HAVE, ASIDE FROM EACH OF US HAVING AN INDIVIDUAL ONE, IS THAT WITH THE TIME ECONOMY, WE ALREADY HAVE THE FULL RESOURCES. SINCE WE DON’T KNOW HOW LONG WE’LL LIVE, THEN WE GO OFF WHAT OUR PERSONAL IDEA IS OF HOW WE’RE SPENDING OUR TIME. THIS IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FROM THE MONETARY ECONOMY WHERE WE CAN PRINT MORE MONEY AND WORK AND TRADE FOR MORE THINGS. WE CAN’T TRADE OR PRINT MORE TIME. WE HAVE WHAT WE HAVE, AND EVERYONE HAS A DIFFERENT AMOUNT OF TIME. SOME PEOPLE WILL LIVE FIFTY YEARS, SOME EIGHTY, AND SOME ONE HUNDRED. EVERYONE HAS TIME THOUGH. NO MATTER WHAT. AND THE TIME IS ALL WORTH THE SAME VALUE. THE PROBLEM BECOMES HOW WE SPEND THAT TIME. IT CAN’T BE TRADED, AND IT CAN’T BE CREATED, BUT IT CAN BE WASTED. IN MY PERSONAL OPINION, I FEEL LIKE MOST PEOPLE WASTE IT. I’M TRYING MY HARDEST NOT TO WASTE MINE, AND I FEEL LIKE TRAVELING AND GETTING TO KNOW MY POSITION AS A HUMAN BEING IS A GOOD START TO NOT WASTING MY TIME, BUT I FEEL LIKE I STILL NEED TO ACCOMPLISH SOMETHING THAT MAKES ME FEEL MORE WHOLE AND CREATES A WAY TO MAKE OTHER PEOPLE REALIZE HOW VALUABLE MY TIME HAS BEEN TO THEM AS WELL, NOT JUST TO MYSELF. IT’S A JOURNEY 

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