01/20/18 — Parties & Beaches

I just got back from driving around all night, and it’s technically Sunday but I’m going to write this as Saturday’s journal. I didn’t write Friday night because we ended up going to a party in a warehouse, that ended up being a frat party. Mohammad was working security and really hyped this party, so I took Monica and Alexus, and Victor went as a designated driver, which he didn’t end up doing because he wanted to leave early and there was drama between Monica and Victor. Monica ended up saying something to Mohammad and pissing him off because she said that he should be hanging out with me. It’s frustrating that Monica and Alexus force stuff like this on me, trying to take matters into their own hands. Whether it’s by saying stuff, or taking my phone and texting (Alexus texting “Wanna Fuck” to random guys in my phone REALLY pisses me off), or by trying to pressure me to do certain things, like showing up early to a party that no one is at yet. It was an issue right before we got to the party, and almost caused a fight in my car as we drove because I wanted to waste time before going to see if more people showed up, and they were accusing me of procrastinating. Yes, I was nervous because I hadn’t seen Mohammad in a while, but I wasn’t going to not go, if that makes sense. I don’t know, it was just super frustrating and made me more anxious. I ended up drinking a case of Smirnoff by myself, finishing three little bottles of shots, and finishing mine and Monica’s boozy slushies. I don’t remember a whole lot, but I know it wasn’t pretty. I’m so embarrassed, even if we didn’t talk to many people. I think next time, I’ll just wait until the person who invited me isn’t working security and can actually be my only company at the party, and can introduce me to people or dance or whatever. Because all of that was way too much for me. 


Today I got up early (8AM after getting home at 3AM)and had dance practice with the dance team. Chid had three practices going on at once (theatre, dance, and cheer), and two were in the gym. It was a little chaotic but we were able to clean up and fix the Novelty routine and adjust the stunts in Military. I’m looking forward to seeing the girls perform at their first contest and looking at whatever else we need to fix. Then I had to deal with my check engine light coming on. Monica drove us home last night and failed to mention that it came on last night so I was dealing with that when I got home. I tried to take a nap for a couple hours and just ended up laying in bed without really sleeping. After running around all week and all day today, I really just wanted to relax, and Charles (my mechanic) had said that after I did the quick fix for my check engine light, that I should drive until the light pops back off. So I did. I drove and ended up in Galveston, on the beach. I propped my feet up and relaxed, just looking at the stars. It was nice. I stayed there for about an hour before driving back, with the music on so I could sing along. 


I can’t help thinking that things are kinda messed up now with this one guy. We ended up yelling at each other earlier today, and baggage was dropped on the other. He brought up his exes and I brought up Dino. I guess things are mostly unclear and neither of us really know what to do. I also think there was miscommunication from different people and it just added to the confusion and made things worse. I don’t know. It’s one of those moments where we both revealed a bit of raw emotion without meaning to. I don’t know if it’s a good thing or not yet. Hopefully we can fix things though, because I enjoy talking to him. 


I think the guy with the super adult job is upset because he asked me out for ramen on Tuesday and I had to reschedule due to practice and competition previews next week. I feel super bad, and was looking forward to it. /: The guy I was giving a chance after ignoring prior attempts has started to ignore me unless he’s horny, and I’m not into that right now. The EMT however did message me yesterday and we ended up sending a couple messages to each other but I think he’s too busy with work to really reply to me much. I guess I need to get back on the dating app and be more active again… 

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