just thursday. 2.1.18

It’s a typical day at the office:

-Barb making racist comments

-no work to do

-time is going slow.

I saw Jill the therapist this morning. It was good. I really like her. She told me that me spending time with Sam is like an alcoholic going into a bar. Now if that isn’t the truest thing¬† I’ve heard all day…

I am not really talking to anyone anymore. K is moving and the date we went on wasn’t great anyway. H never follows through on plans to hang. And no one else is relevant.

We found out Baylen is going to be having another surgery. They’re going to go back in because they think they can get more of the brain tumor out. It feels like a nightmare. It was so hard for her last time. I hate thinking of her going through all of it again. And I know this is selfish, but it was really hard for me also. I can’t stand seeing her that way. It’s terrifying to see her not being herself. It was like a different being took over her body. I hope it goes better this time.

I cut things off with sam. again. i told her it’s hard to see her so often because I miss her so bad. she was cool about it and said i could talk to her when I was ready. I have a birthday gift for her so maybe I’ll be ready by the 11th.

Vic and I started talking about housing next year and I’m not sure who we’ll live with. I’m a little nervous. Having a stable home is really important to me, it has a big effect on my mental health.

It’s been 87 days since I cut myself. I miss it bad. there’s nothing else to say about that.

I applied for field work. i’m terrified and excited. i don’t know if I’m ready.

that’s all, i guess.

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