02/04/2018 — Tennis Courts & Parks

I haven’t been writing, and I feel somewhat bad about that. There really hasn’t been much for me to write about. Well somewhat. I just haven’t gotten around to writing. And then now that I am sitting down and writing, I don’t really have much to write about. No one is really talking to me, other than this guy Eric in Naca-no where close to me. He’s really sweet, we’ve been talking since May of last year, the first time Dino broke up with me. Today I’m watching ‘The End of the Fucking World” while I write. Robert tried to set me up with his friend Thursday night, and was really pressuring me to sleep with this friend that same night. I couldn’t handle it, and ended up going to see Mohammad, who needed someone right at that moment anyway. I hung out and talked to Mohammad through a few difficult things for a couple hours and we ended up at a hookah bar? He’s been a little weird since that night though, so I don’t know if he’s really okay now or not. He was going on about his ex and how they should get back together, for a little bit Friday though, and I eventually asked him “Are you sure that it’s going to be Okay if you talk to her again?” and he just kept saying he had a lot on his mind. He said at one point that he wanted to go get a tattoo and then ended up going out drinking by himself. I’m still quite worried about him, but I guess he’ll be alright for now. I’m not going to force him to talk to me about anything. Friday I ended up at the bar with Monica and Alexus. Monica was having some issues with her relationship and didn’t really want to do much, whereas Alexus wanted to do everything. I feel like Alexus isn’t letting Monica process a lot, and I’m worried about Monica too, but I’m not going to force Monica to do anything weird. Saturday I was supposed to meet the EMT but he never answered so I ended up just hanging out with Alexus. We went to her work, the VFW bar, and she convinced some creepy guy to come watch us play pool, but he kept just staring at me and making me super uncomfortable. So I asked Mohammad to call me and convinced her that I was going to go see him because I didn’t want her to keep trying to force me to hookup with these random guys. I’m sorry, I like having sex, sure. But I’d like to be comfortable with the guy before trying to hookup with him. I don’t know, is that weird? Maybe. That’s just like the whole thing with Robert trying to hook me up with his friend. I barely knew the guy and Robert is over here texting me to meet him in the park and have public sex with this guy. Like, I’m good. I mean, yeah I like Robert and would hookup with Robert, but I’m not going to hookup with his friend just because he asked me to. I feel like I’m rambling about this but I’m still kind of upset about it. The whole situation was stupid. I feel stupid for showing up to the park and hoping that it was maybe just Robert fucking with me and that I was going to just be left there alone. I feel stupid for showing up after getting home from talking to Mohammad and still hoping it was just Robert fucking with me but his friend actually showed up. I think I was also just curious to know if someone was willing to show up and have sex with me on a whim. So there’s that ego boost I guess. I think I’m mostly just mad at myself for actually showing up. 

Fuck. It’s already almost 11. I need to pretend to sleep at least. Or just get off to old pictures. Probably both. 

3 thoughts on “02/04/2018 — Tennis Courts & Parks”

  1. I’m new around here and do not know your whole story and am probably a bit older than you. I am at a loss why everyone is pushing you to have sex w/people. Does your friend Alexus hook up with the guys as well or just pushes you to? And the Robert fellow, is this a guy you have hooked up with In the past? How dare he try to pass you off to his friends? And if you haven’t slept with him I find it even stranger he’s sending friends to meet you at a park for sex. Take what I say with a grain of salt bc I have not read much else of your journal and do not know your relationship to these people but they seem toxic as hell. And like maybe…not good people to surround yourself with?

    Take care.

  2. I’m new around here and do not know your whole story and am probably a bit older than you. I am at a loss why everyone is pushing you to have sex w/people. Does your friend Alexus hook up with the guys as well or just pushes you to? And the Robert fellow, is this a guy you have hooked up with I’m the past? How dare he try to pass you off to his friends? And if you haven’t slept with him I find it even stranger he’s sending friends to meet you at a park for sex. Take what I say with a grain of salt bc I have not read much else of your journal and do not know your relationship to these people but they seem toxic as hell. And like maybe…not good people to surround yourself with?

    Take care.

  3. I’m actually in my early 20s, and realize I sound like a high schooler. My friend Alexus indeed does hook up with guys due to drama in her life, and no I have not hooked up with Robert. I’ve just known him for a while. I’m not sure why he tried to pass me off to his friends, like I said, I was hoping that he was just fucking with me. I haven’t really talked to Robert since that night, and Alexus means well but I’ve been letting her know sex isn’t the answer to everything.

    Thanks for the concern!

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