If I can say anything about the last week or so, it’s been eventful to say the least. I guess I could start at the beginning. The Lion got a hold of me a couple of weeks ago about some mail he supposedly had of mine. Ironically enough I had found pictures that I didn’t know and supposed were his. Small conversation and his refusal to send a picture of said mail called the whole thing into question. I gave him my address all the same and told him that I would send along the pictures. I had also slipped a check in to pay back what I had owed for a debt a while ago. In the last six months, I have done well at not bothering about his life. It’s not my life any longer. That life is past and that road most likely never walked again. So, I have done my best to honor his wishes and disappear from his life. Though he seems most insistent about staying in mine in some form or fashion.
Another strange turn of events was someone I knew wishing once more to be friends suddenly appearing. I accepted it though I should be warier. Had I known then what I know now, I would have declined it and been done with it. Instead I thought it innocent enough. I would learn that I was wrong. In joking with someone, I posted something to Facebook that was funny to us. It was an inside joke and it spilled over. Harmless one would think as it was talking about helping someone, which is something that I do without thought when it comes to my friends and those I care about. I still not cannot use the word love so I don’t. To me, it is still a lie. All the same, this person I thought was a friend would take what was posted and then give it to the Lion. Of course, she had no idea what it was about and immediately assumed it was about him. All because I had used the word “ex”. Now, I have quite a few exes on my Facebook except for two. The Ogre and The Lion. Obviously, there are reasons for the Ogre. The Lion was by his choice. Yet, he is eager to have others share what I do with him. Well this person had taken something that had nothing to do with him and in childish fashion showed it to him. She even would post about it (later removing it). I had no idea about it and the ex/friend that it was about would post after, sharing in the joke. It would be later that I would learn why. The very same thing that I had been joking with The Dragon about, it would seem the Lion had done much the same at about the same time. I didn’t know this until I found out later on in the night (I was working overnight).
It still doesn’t get any better in any telling of it. The Lion had of course entertained this juvenile stupidity and became a part of it. Instead of course of asking me about the matter. Well upon returning home, I called this person out for their behavior. It was a juvenile act to stir the pot where there was no need to. Made worse that instead of simply stating that it was none of his concern and ignored the trifling matter for what it was, he entertained it. Wanting so much for it to be truth. I pointed out that it reflected on them, not me. Especially since neither had any idea about the matter in full. It is also to note later in the day I helped another friend because they asked it of me. There are many things that I will not act on, but blatantly being deceitful is not one of them. By the time I had awoke later in the day, I had been unfriended. I do find some amusement in that. The last time I had been removed from this person’s Facebook was over a simple joke. Nothing more. She took it as something else I would guess. Yet suddenly wished to be friends not more than a few weeks later? Well that door is now closed for her. It showed the kind of person she was. Yes, I called them both out on it because it was childish and stupid. Every time I retell it, it doesn’t get any better. I wish them both well, but that was just too much.
There is still more. Upon the encouragement of my counselor and a few friends, I have returned to writing. I am not running anything and enjoy simply sharing tales with friends. Willing to brave the possibility of harassment especially over the antics of supposed adults this past weekend, they have chosen to accept what could happen and allow me to enjoy my hobby. This has led to meeting some new friends and once more enjoy a hobby that I love. It has been enjoyable and I have found that I am finding my love for it once more.
I have met a new friend that I’m finding that I enjoy their company. Intelligent, funny, logical, and good conversation. We are only friends but I’m finding that I enjoy the company. We have been completely honest and have chosen to enjoy the ride and see where the road goes. We have quite a bit in common and it has been good to be able to talk with someone and just be myself.
As I said I would, I have been pulling away from The Knight. The ride is ending, though at times we share conversation, it still feels like when it comes to me, that it is not something he wishes to be bothered with while I listen to what he’s saying to me. I grow weary of spinning my wheels and it goes nowhere. No matter how I feel about him, I have to accept that he will never feel the same for me. So, stepping away has seemed the more feasible option. We shared a smattering of conversation and I found it rather easy to just make polite conversation. Though I found myself wondering why he does not do this with the woman that I would believe to be his girlfriend? That would be something shared with her, not me.
The morning would find me taking my daughter to work. We chatted about things and even managed to laugh and talk. I missed it. I believe that I will invite her to lunch one of these days off if she can find the time. It was nice to feel like a mom again. Even for just a little while.
The final surprise would come while I was at work. Spurred by a dream that she had, she contacted me out of the blue today. This would be a friend that had stopped talking to me when I was in a dark place. She apologized for that and I forgave her and accepted her apology. Talking through the day felt nice and I was glad that I answered the message. It will be a slow road as both of us are a little timid with each other, but as I said to her, I’m tired of being angry. I forgive the one and The Lion for their antics this past weekend, but it was a learning experience since I found that he still has to find a place in my world and to me that just isn’t acceptable. Either be in my life or not, not on the fringe getting scraps to those that would give them to him.
Full of surprises and I am left wondering what has come to pass that it’s happened this way. At the same time, being me, I am waiting for the other shoe to be thrown. That much has yet to be seen.