Well, we are going to the Dallas Auto Show today and the car show in Tulsa tomorrow.  Did you know that everyone in the Cougar Club has “In Memory of Alan” stickers on them?  Could you ever have imagined that when you planned to go to these car shows that they would be there with In Memory of you stickers on them?  No?  That’s because it happened too soon and too sudden.  That’s because it still doesn’t seem real.  I am really glad that you found the guys in the car club – they have been so supportive to us.  And I’m glad that you were able to experience that.  As I sit here thinking about you not being here, I’m getting so mad.  Sometimes I get sad but right now, I’m mad.  I’m mad because it was too soon – you were too young.  I’m mad that even though you had a great life and many experiences, I want more for you that you will not get because you are gone.  I want to be going to the Dallas Auto Show as a family – the 4 of us.  I’m mad that I will really never see you again – the more I think about it, the more pissed off that I get.  Those words are just words, to say them and to type them seem easy but their actual meaning, not so easy.  Sometimes it feels like you are just gone on vacation or a business trip – it feels like you are going to come back.  But you won’t, you will not ever come back.  

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