145 – still stuck

Just finished lunch. I ate it all today. Avocado, black beans, tomatoes, roasted red peppers and cilantro with a squeeze of lime. Yum. I ran this morning. It was so warm. Felt good. 60+ degrees felt great! But it has dropped like 20 deg in the past couple of hours. Not surprising for February in these parts.~~~I’m feeling unsettled. We did get closure yesterday on H’s potential job change. So that’s 1 thing I can stop thinking about. They did not make him an offer. I’m a little sad about it, but we weren’t convinced it would have been a significant enough increase to compensate for the added responsibilities. I have a “performance appraisal” on Friday. I have no idea what to expect. It is with our ops manager – since my former boss was fired.  Will he say I am done and show me the door? Will he say I am doing a crappy job and show me the door? Will he keep stringing me along until the new ERP is up and running and then show me the door?  I just don’t know. And this ‘just don’t know’ feeling is making me anxious. I want to talk with H about it, but I find it so hard. And that makes me sad. I was a little sad/mad feeling last night. I don’t know exactly why. I wondered if it was because the adderal worn off. I took it a little later this morning in the hope that I can stretch the effects to later in the day. I’m still finding it hard to concentrate on my work here. I’ve been looking at the same few things that need to be done for more than a week now. Ugh! Got to get my head around these things. Back to it.

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