Well, looks like the asshole is sick again.  He stayed home saying he was too wiped out.  Which means he won’t touch me and after Saturday night I’m putting him out.  And I’ll never see him again.  So yesterday was the last time I’ll ever have sex for a long time.  I’m just not attracted to Drew in any way shape form or fashion.  Drew is so nice.  He offered to buy groceries and put gas in my car for me.  I couldn’t let him do that because I knew Ian would eat all the food and run the gas out of the car and I wouldn’t get any use of it. 

My heart hurts so much knowing I’ve lost Ian and I’ll never see him again.  I feel like I’ve died inside.  The dumb thing about it all is I gave Ian a piece of quartz when we first started dating each other.  I tried to take it back and he won’t let me have it.  It’s like he wants his soul attached to mine.  That’s the only reason I gave it to him and I told him so.  He doesn’t believe in any of it.  Pagan, Christian, nothing.  He said he wanted to learn about Paganism by coming to out circle celebrations with me and now he doesn’t.  What have I done to deserve all the pain.

Every man I get involved with it starts out great and goes so south so fast leaving me in such pain.  It’s like I don’t deserve happiness, only pain.  Pain is all I know.  I know very little of love and it never lasts long.  The only thing that lasts is the pain and loneliness.  I guess that’s all I deserve. 

Pain and loneliness.  That’s all I know I’ll ever have.  Pain and loneliness. 

He’s not being hateful and ugly like he and he’s so so attentive.  But he’s still refusing anything regarding sexual activity which is cold.

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