bad and now worse

To make matters worse I’ve got only enough for 2 more weeks in the motel.  He can at least take Murray with him to his sister’s to stay so he doesn’t have to be out in the heat.  That still leaves me out in it.  It’s going to be miserable sleeping in the car in the heat.  I should have gone back to Texas.  At least in Dallas I know where to hide to sleep, here I don’t.  I don’t know what I’m going to do.  We’ve been fighting since we got here with no respite.  This is all my fault.  I shouldn’t have come here.  It’s a lot worse than Dallas.  He won’t even look at me or touch me any more….and sex is completely out of the question.  Why didn’t I face the fact that he never loved me and never wanted to be with me to begin with.  He’s just been using me from the start.  How did he manage to find out so much information on me that he could tell me just the right thing to garner my affection and trust?  He claims to know a lot about computers and programming so he probably looked it all up on line.  God I’m such a sucker!!!!  I was just so lonely for some male contact and affection, a little companionship.  I should know better….I should know better than to expect that I deserve male companionship.  I don’t and I never did.

2 thoughts on “bad and now worse”

  1. I think its time for you to start thinking about only yourself. To hell with Murray because you have your own needs that hes not taking care of. It is a huge weight on your shoulders. Do y’all have jobs there in phoenix lined up?

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