Matter

We were having such a good day.   I’ve been trying to get his attention so he’ll have sex but he just keeps saying later and later never comes.   He told me this morning he couldn’t get it up.   He’s so drunk right now it’s not even funny.   We’re down $100 on next weeks rent and I don’t know what I’m going to do.   He told me that on Wednesday I was going to take a hike and I was on my own.  It’s really not a surprise now that he’s got a good paying job and doesn’t need me any more.  I’m past the point of not recovering.  He was acting like he wasn’t going to let me out of the room.   I started to call the cops and he said they’d hall me off to the loony bin because I’m crazy.   Maybe I should go to the hospital and check myself in.   I’m getting so suicidal right now wondering if he will let me stay.   All I wanted was sex…. I know once he starts his job tomorrow he will be hurting too bad and be too tired to mess with me.   I just can’t take this any more.   I’m scared and alone and I know I should leave but I just can’t.  I love him so much.  

I sent him an email begging to come home but I’ll bet he doesn’t answer.   I don’t like feeling so alone in a strange city with misplace to go and no one to care for me. 

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