can’t handle living anymore

WHY DID I HAVE TO BE RAPE AND MOLESTED WHEN I WAS A KID UNTILL MY TEENS??? NOW IT WILL HAUNT ME FOR LIFE…I WISH IT WILL GO AWAY…BUT SOMETIME IT HURT FOR IT TO GO AWAY SO I HOPE THEY ARE HAPPY, HOW THEY RUIN MY LIFE I TRY AND TRY TO LET IT GO AWAY SO THAT I DON’T HAVE TO HURT ANYMORE…BUT IT ALWAYS COME BACK IN MY MIND AND SOMETIME WHEN IT COME BACK IT HURT WAY TO BAD THAT ALL I WANT TO DO IS SIT AND CRY MY HEART OUT…I DON’T THINK SOME PEOPLE THINK IT HAPPEN TO ME BUT IT DID HAPPEN TO ME…I’AM NOT LYING ABOUT IT…WHY WOULD I LIE ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THAT FOR??? I JUST WANT IT ALL TO GO AWAY IF YOU BELIEVE ME THEN YOU CAN BELIEVE ME IF YOU DON’T THEN YOU DON’T…IT’S NOT MY FAULT IT HAPPEN TO ME…IT’S NOT MY FAULT THAT THEY HAVE A SICK MIND TO DO THAT TO A KID OR A TEENAGER…I WANTED TO TELL PEOPLE…BUT I DON’T THINK THEY WOULD OF BELIEVE ME SO I NEVER TOLD ANYBODY FOR AWHILE…BUT WHEN I DID TELL SOMEONE THEY DIDN’T BELIEVE ME…WHEN I TOLD MY MOM SHE SLAP ME ACROSS MY FACE AND CALLED ME A B**** AND TOLD ME NOT TO LIE TO HER FACE AGAIN…AFTER THAT HAPPENED I DIDN’T SAY ANYMORE ABOUT IT…THEN I GOT THE COURAGE UP TO TELL THE REST OF MY FAMILY…THEY LOOKED AT ME AND SAID YOUR LYING…AFTER ALL THAT HAPPENED I SHUT UP AND NOT SAID ANYTHING ELSE ABOUT IT…NOW IT TEARS ME UP INSIDE…SO WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT MY PROBLEM??? ALL I WANT TO DO IS BE 6 FEET UNDER EVERYONE…TO MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY IN MY FAMILY…I DON’T KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER I’M GOING TO BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT ANYMORE…
6/8/13

One thought on “can’t handle living anymore”

  1. This stuff is hard to go through alone. I know your pain. what got me through it was to focus on myself. Me being alive. I haven’t told my family, just a few close friends. I try to believe that it tears them up inside more than me. I don’t let it get to me anymore. I’m stronger than the person that tried to break me when I was a kid. they don’t hold power over my life. I have talked about it and recognized hurt people hurt people. You have to forgive them in your heart and stop blaming yourself. you did absolutely nothing wrong. Keep surviving! Youre so worth life!

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