I thought I was getting better. I thought wrong. My depression is back. In fact, she never left. Like an annoying sibling that follows you around my depression endures. Interestingly, my depression is the one constant in my life. She has always been there and maybe she always will be. I was going to therapy but I felt judged. The last thing I need right now is judgment.
I am a fucking mess and I can’t do anything about it. I have tried many times to be “positive”. I hate when people say you just need to be positive. It is easy to tell someone else to be positive when your life is not in shambles. It is always so easy to judge. I wish they would just keep their opinions to themselves. I feel like I have no control over my own life. There is always someone that wants to manipulate me.
So I have to wonder…why the fuck am I here? Am I just here to suffer? I feel like my life is already wasted and I am only 32 years old. Of course everyone thinks I should be focusing on finding a husband and having children. Well news flash I am just trying to hold on to my own life. I have no energy or time to devote to another human being. Taking care of my depression is like a full time job and my cup has runneth over.