Sunday September 9th

I took one of my pain pills left over from my surgery last night and it helped with the anxiety and depression overload tremendously. I only have one of those pills left. I have got to get an appointment with a doctor to get a new prescription of something for those really hard days. I have been getting Xanax for years, but I would like something that didn’t knock me out like that does. 

So Greg “liked” a few of my pics on FB today. What the hell? He had stopped liking my stuff at all, and we haven’t spoken since last Monday when I texted him. I have decided that if I do hear from him, I am going to say how I feel about it. I am going to tell him that he is hurting me by ignoring me for days at a time, never texting me first, never asking about my life and never giving me a kind word. I have been bending over backwards for him for weeks – I have done everything I possibly could do to make his life easier/better, and I have gotten zero in return. ZERO. I know he’s sick- I fucking know, but he knew there was something wrong with him when he signed his ass up on Tinder. He knew there was something wrong with him when he was blowing up my phone daily. So, now, he knows what it is and that he’s going to be fine- if anything, he should be better to me- not worse! If he doesn’t want me, fine. Then stop fucking with my head. 

Later, that same day…

Today makes a full week since we’ve spoken. I think that’s the longest we’ve ever gone since we started talking. I have been working on my response all day that I will send if I get a text from him. Pathetic, I know, but that’s how I roll. I have to end this if this is all it is. And I think it is. If he had any intentions toward me, he wouldn’t do this. He knows he can get a woman any time he wants one, so he sees no value in me. He doesn’t see that I’m anything special- I gotta accept that and start working on getting over him. I really have done better this time than any of the million other times over the summer when I thought it was over. I deleted him completely out of my phone. I will not text him- because I can’t! I don’t know his number. I tried to be very careful that I didn’t look at it so I wouldn’t know it. I’m like a fucking Rain Man about those numbers I don’t want to know. I will never forget Craig’s as long as I live. I wish to god I hadn’t known it. 

I paid the deposit on my apartment today. I don’t actually have the money in the bank to cover it. Story of my goddam life. I get paid Friday. This next month is going to be expensive as shit. It will give me something to do every weekend in October- start moving my shit to the new place. My movers are scheduled for the 20th. I may change it to the weekend before. I will have to get this place cleaned up after I’m all out. I listed a ton of shit on Craig’s list. I hope someone buys all of it. 1. I need the money and 2. I need to get rid of it before I move. 

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