160. This angel belong on earth…

I got that phone call tonight….

The one I have silently been dreading for months now….

My mother…after 9 pm….. I knew…as soon as I saw her name come across the screen of my phone….

I just knew…

Nana had a stroke….out at her cottage….alone. 

She managed to call my mom, who instantly 911 an ambulance to her. Shes currently rest in a hospital bed, and I have yet to be able to see her. Usually I drop everything and run, but given my position, I couldn’t leave the other guy there unattended. My mother,Vince, mark, val, and a.j, all made it there so I know if anything got worse I’d know in a heart beat. Nana has lost the use of her left arm, so far….completely, although she is regaining movement in everything else….except her legs. Shes alive, and I am so thankful for that. 

As time has past Nana and I have become so close…to the point we are the only two that get together for holidays…its over Chinese but we spend it together. God cant take her from me…..who will I have left…shed the only glue left holding this damn family together….

Other then us kids….shes all my mother has left, my uncle committed suicide when they were kids, my aunt, her twin, was murdered in an arson….she’ll be torn apart. 

I’m so terrified I cant even cry….I know shes still here..but I’m so scared…I have no idea how I’ll manage. Shes who I call when I’m balling my eyes put because life is to much, or because I cant stand the family fighting….when I dont feel like I’m enough. She makes me soup when I’m sick, and drops me off food to makes sure I’m fed bc I’m a “single man”. Who am I going to have hours of random conversations with about things that dont evenexist. I HAVENT EVEN HAD KIDS YET!. SHE CANT FUCKING GO. YOU CANT TAKE HER FROM ME….

Please, just dont take her. 

Tears, finally….tears 

I’m gunna be sick….

2 thoughts on “160. This angel belong on earth…”

  1. I am so sorry for your pain. I pray that God will answer your prayers with whatever is for the best. May there be grace within and without, comfort, and everlasting love.
    PS – my mother died two weeks ago, age 94. I know the pain of missing someone.

  2. Once I got a phone call at night. It’s so unusually. I even remember I got to this site https://areaphonecodes.com/united-states/619 to check where I was called from. It was from California. Rubbishy advertisers. Call at least at daytime.

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