Fri. Aug 23

8.00am garlic on crucifix and chain. 

Feels like my heels were hit with something. 

Last night, roomie left and I left door unlocked and went to bathroom. I heard the front door open. I heard another door squeak. Cleared main Floor knife was still in kitchen jam. Cleared upstairs. Got dressed for bed and went to car. Noticed my solar lights quit blinking figured he left my house so I came back inside. Either he didn’t leave or he has an alternative way inside. I finally figured how to block the back door yesterday. 

Big drug bust yesterday the 22nd. Since Greens thing happened on the 19th I wonder if they’re related? Idk. Only 3 people arrested, 75k cash, drugs and guns. 3 people aren’t going to pull that off.  

Back of neck, back of head and all around head hurting. 10.45am. I think he hit my forehead again. It’s so painful. I didn’t look in the mirror. Just don’t care to. What’s it going to help anyway. My eyes have been blurry all morning. 

I was kicking good portion of the night. Felt waves of something in my head. I’m so tired. All the time so tired. I imagine it’s part of abuse. I could hear the spray. Who would believe me? I’m not human, I’m a diagnosis.

2.00 pmFriend took me to get litter for cats I am concerned about driving because of my unsteadiness atm. Coming home on frt st. Around 3pm, Green, driving a reddish orange truck on the other side of the street. Just before that, I saw the guy with short brown hair, moustache, heavy and wearing same safety green shirt hes had on for about a week. He was coming off a side street. Of course we were followed, by others,  why I have no idea. Its hilarious. My friend and I stopped to eat near Penn. rd, and I spotted green in that truck he seems to drive only in that area and tayl. The red orange one. Mid size I believe. Following him another vehicle I’ve seen a lot but can’t remember which one, there’s so many  of them to try to keep up,  then the white with black truck. When we got home, no sooner my friend left and the white with black truck passed my house. Roomie came home shortly after and the white with black design on sides again drove past. That truck is just down the street closer to outer.  The old black man from the next street was driving. Then the grey van with medical symbol passed. I didn’t recognize driver. Hes older, blonde long hair. Idr if he had bandana or hat on. He had something on his head. He was average build. 

I believe sometime in September is our anniversary, the first time he violated and gave me concussion. I’m going to find an anniversary card I bought to give to someone, I have cards around just in case. He’ll pull one out and put it on the floor for me to find. I didn’t want to have another anniversary with him. He celebrates by hurting me like every other holiday or event. And he’ll be so sweet as to mess stuff up, special like. A little different than normal. I’m going to fuck with the gangs as much as possible. Someone will have to step up and do something, right. There probably won’t be an investigation for a diagnosis, a non-person. But This has to end somehow. I just can’t deal with anymore. I’m not alive, just going through the motions. 

My door block didn’t work. He has another way out. I heard him until around 9.30am or so. No one cares to find how hes getting in. They’d prefer me go to hospital because again, I’m a diagnosis. People explain away the bruises and such. Its age. I’m not being harmed, it’s in my head. I can’t deal with it anymore. 

Last night noticed clean clothes mixed with dirty again. They’re coated in insulation and debris. I think he put oil in my homemade laundry soap. I hope not. Wouldn’t be first time though. Lord I hope he didn’t. 

Lots of debris, oily floors and dirt, bits of cat food beneath furnishings, under legs. 

I believe I have concussion. Some sticky substance in my ear, but my nose isn’t running. I’m spinning, meaning doing chores very slowly, hard to focus. Tire so easily. Difficulty breathing. The strangles have caught up, that’s why I’m down and feeling so mentally unstable. The slight concussions have made me unreasonably irritable. I wish he’d give me a good one so I can go to doc. I cannot atm as I am not an abused woman in the eyes of medicine, but again, a diagnosis. If they see the little bit of stickiness would they merely assume its earwax? I don’t want to find out what they would think. There’s no help for me until help is absolutely positively proven to be needed. The mentally Ill have very many challenges. My illnesses though caused by physical trauma that for some reason under the medical lighting can’t be seen, are causing mental instability. I have people who see me and know somethings going on they see me frequently. And my friends aren’t blowing smoke up my ass either, they also tell me when they don’t see anything. I take pictures, my only defense. Will it do any good. 

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