It isn’t easy for me to develop real friendships. More than half of the people who come up to me have dishonorable intentions, & I have a lot of trouble distinguishing the real & the fake. When you’ve been hurt and used as many times as I have, you learn to keep your guard.
But when I do bond with people, I put everything into them. I wanna protect them, spoil them, stay in constant contact with them. So when something as stupid as gossip &haters threaten my friendships, I get seriously pissed off.
It seems like whenever a guy tries to talk to me, I come with a shitload of baggage that instantly translates into a turn-off.
Take Angel Munoz, for example. He was one of the few guys that weren’t interested in a fuck-and-leave fling. We could actually carry on intelligent conversations. I walked with him once during lunch a few months ago, & people still harass him every day to ask if we’re going out.
In a nutshell, he stopped talking to me.
Or ________. Ever since we started hanging out, people have been riding his dick for the inside details on a sexual relationship that doesn’t exist. People think he’s a wuss because he hasn’t gotten me in bed, even though he’s actually a real guy for being respectful when nobody else is.
But what hurts the most is that some people are so overwhelmed by the shit that others say about me, they start to believe it. It’s my word against more than half of the people who know me. It’s scaryass shit when you get hated on, &you can barely defend yourself. And barely anyone has your back because it’s easier to spread rumors than prove them wrong.
“You’re just a little girl.”
It’s true. I’m just an impressionable 15 year old with insecurities in a judgmental high school. I’m scared to death.
And what did I do that was so bad, I’m not allowed to have a fair opportunity to be happy?