My secret is that I do not feel many emotions. I would like to be 100% emotionless but I am not that lucky. I live each day just going through the motions. I have a girlfriend and so far she is a person who I can relate to and understand. My girlfriend is my rock. I can be myself with her. I want to start SM again but I do not have the correct interments yet. I am thinking that razor blades should be able to cut easily without much work. I want an interment that will slice through my skin with ease and will make a nice clean cut. I want to be able to bleed. By bleeding I will be able to see a prof that I am still human and that I am bleed the same warm red blood as other people. I will cut on my feel so that my girlfriend is unlikely to learn that I also cut.