Effed up feelings…

Dear diary,

I really don’t know how I actually feel today. So many complicated moods! I don’t know if I want to scream, cry, laugh or slap the hell out of someone, hug them to death or just go to bed cuddle up my teddy and listen to the damn voices in my head. ‘Cause I’m sure I won’t fall asleep. I hate these mixed up moods. I swear my mood changes a million times a day. I get so annoyed when I don’t know what my mood really is. So effing complicated and confused. I just feel like hitting my stupid head on the wall till I pass out. -_-

And you know what the worst part is? There’s no one on earth I could talk about my feelings. Yeah. NO ONE. Not my family or friends nor my boy friend. Cause you know why? They just don’t give a shit about my feelings. They have their own shit to worry about. And even if they listen to all your crappy feelings, they’ll be like “oh god, don’t be so dramatic. You are such a dummy,.. blah, blah, blah….” I mean, seriously?… Trust me when I say if someone says that to my face again I’ll swear I’ll slap the crap out of him/her. It’s not like I want to keep these so called fucked up “Feelings” dammit. Fuck feelings. Just fuck’em. Fuck you too!! Just leave me alone. No, please don’t go!… =(

But seriously, I wonder why it’s perfectly acceptable for men to be moody and silent with no explanation. But when us girl do it,… OH. MY. GOD!!… We are called dramatic miserable bitches?!?…. I hate you!

“What the heck is wrong with me?” “I dunno”

“Who am I?” “Actually, I have no idea”….

Oh great! I’m losing my mind. I’m a miserable person. I can’t go on….

NO! Get it together Yasa. GET IT TOGETHER!! Yes. You can do it. Do it, do it!

“Do it like a brother, do it like a dude, grab my crotch wear my hat low like you.”

I talk bullshit today. I’m not feeling myself today. See! See, this is exactly why I don’t wanna talk to anyone about my feelings. They’ll think I’m crazy. I’m out of my mind…

I wish I could switch on or off my feelings whenever I want to. But God didn’t create a switch on/off button… =(

3 thoughts on “Effed up feelings…”

  1. Hey, I’m doing great (I guess) Couldn’t keep my journal was really busy. How’s everything with you?
    Wish you a Happy New Year!… =)

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