Him

Just a few days ago I told my best guy friend that I love him. He told me he loved me too and wants to be with me, except he is a little scared because there is 10 hours between me and him. He is also currently on a date with a girl right now. It hurts so bad. We have been friends for over 4 years. My feelings for him have just gotten stronger and stronger for him. When I told him about my feelings he kinda rejected me for the moment at least but told me he thinks that our time to date will come along. So I wrote him a letter that I will probably never let him see.

Dear S,

Why didn’t you chase me when I was with Josh? Why didn’t you tell me how you felt after you and Tiffany broke up? Or why not after Josh and I broke up. We were broken up for like a week before you told me about your little date? If you had chased me instead of just letting me leave like you said I did, I would have left Josh in a minute for you. Josh and I had no feelings for each other. Why did you wait until I told you how I felt before you telling me that you love me? You had multiple opportunities to tell me how you felt. I will always be your friend, but when it comes to dating and loving someone, I’m never an option or the second choice. I feel like an option right now. Like if your date doesn’t go well, you will choose me instead. Please do not act like you don’t know that I am hurt about this date. Every time you go on a date, I will be hurt. I’m already hurt because you rejected me. I’m trying to chase after you, but I only do that for so long. I can’t keep making myself look pathetic and chasing after a guy that has fallen for another Kaitlyn. I might always be your best friend, but if you truly love me, you wouldn’t let me get away. I could be your match. I don’t know what God has planned for us, but I do know that I didn’t want you to be the one that got away by not telling you how I truly felt. That is the biggest reason why I told you that I truly love you. Josh was a mistake. He was just a distraction. The distance is just another excuse for me to use so I am not heartbroken again. Well I am slightly heartbroken now. I’m sorry I ever dated Josh. For some reason I let you in. I let you get attached and I let myself get attached to you. I now know that I will be more guarded with some subjects with you. I will always be honest but I have a few more walls up that you have to now break through that weren’t there before.

Love,

the girl that could get away

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