My Letters to Country

7.2.13

Kevin everything hurts. This feeling, it’s…indescribable, like being stabbed in the heart, like being beaten until I have no breath. I’m hollow and empty and lost. I ‘m so lost. Lost inside my own head, lost in the pain I feel. You promised me it would all be okay. You promised me you loved me and I know you do, but it’s not okay. You promised I would see you again…will I? Would you risk everything to see me one more time? I’m selfish and I hope to god the answer is yes. I would do anything to see you one more time, to kiss you goodbye, to feel you hold me to you one more time. Would that make this better or worse? Would it be closure or prolonging the inevitable. You promised you would always be there for me, but how are you here for me now? I can’t talk to you, I can’t hear your voice, I can’t see you. Please tell me that you still love me, please tell me that this isn’t some sick way of getting rid of me. I don’t want to think that you could do that, that you could tell me you loved me, tell me you needed me and have it all be a lie, a way to get into my heart and ruin it. I wish I could see you, I’d meet you anywhere, I’d go anywhere for you all you have to do is tell me where. I told you I’d wait for you and I will, I’ll wait as long as I can, I don’t care how old I am. If it takes 20 years I’ll still be here. What do I do with my life? You were supposed to help me learn how to be happy, this isn’t how I thought that would go. I thought you would be here for me. Will I ever hear from you again? You said you would call when you could, from pay phones right? Maybe you never will, maybe I’ll never hear you say my name or call me your girl, your peach. Would that be better for me or worse? 

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