Headed for a breakdown…

I refer to myself as Seattle. I’m 16 years old and I am a girl. I’m gonna tell you a seires of events in chronological order.

In September of 2012 my anxiety came back. I couldn’t be home alone and I couldn’t function properly. I started school back up even after begging to be home schooled and I was a freshman. I met these friends and they were depressed and I spent all my time helping them that I would crash so hard when I was alone. I was depressed and suicidal for a number of reasons. My family got into a fight and stopped talking, my sister is only 20 and is really sick, but she is such a bitch to people it’s unreal. Everyone pushes me aside, they always have. So one night me and my sister were getting along really well and she did my makeup like a sugar skull. She painted an upside down cross on my forehead and we were both kinda weary about it, but we let it slide. I posted pictures on facebook and I get a call from my mother and she is yelling at me because she said it was evil and stuff. I don’t know why but I just broke down after the fight and called suicide hotline. I went to school the next day and told my guidance counselor and she called the local rescue crisis centre. My dad was called and was told to take me there and so he did, then an hour alter I was sent home after little to no talking at all. They said I was just said I was having a bad day and then told me to get lost. Later that day my so called friends acted like they cared for me when in reality they were talkigngtrash and saying I was an attention whore. Really?

What’s the point of suicide prevention if you aren’t going to help prevent it? Do you seriously have to wait for me to slit my throat before finally thinking that I need some sort of mental help? I continued to cry and be depressed and hate my life. Then hallucinations started to come along, I told my guidance counselor once again and she wanted to call rescue crisis but I begged her not to because my mom yelled at me that they wouldn’t let me leave and said I didn’t need the help. So, by this point I was delusional about seeing demons, I was scared and depressed and wanted to die. no one cared.

Now in present day I am taking zoloft and I just found out my 13 year old cousin tried to kill herself. And this girl is the true definition of attention whore. She used to cut herself and tell people and even do it in front of people.  And of course everyone cares a lot more about her than me. Then everyone is all like “Oh, Seattle has been there she can help.” In all honesty I don’t give a shit, I have to help myself because it seems I am the only one that cares. If you’re not going to be there for me I won’t be there for you nor will I care. So no, i won’t help because I have my own problems to deal with.  I don’t want to be a mega bitch, btu I have to be in order to get what I want and to help myself, because when I do it, shit gets done. But now I can truly say I am so done. No one cares and next time I go into  that therapist office I’m gonna tell her what’s up because I’m sick of not being heard.

– Seattle

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