COMPLETE DESPAIR

She’s determined and means it, I think. Shes turned her back on me, but although shes sticking to her guns im not sure. There is still something there, I can see it in her eyes. But its not enough apparently, she’d rather not try and give us a chance. If she gives up now she doesn’t have to fail later on.

We’ve split up due to the small petty rows that recently seem to happen constantly, and seem to go on forever. Its impossibly hard to accept, I don’t think I can accept it. The despair I feel is almost the same despair as almost 4yrs ago, when I really thought I would never survive.
She helped me come out of the darkest hole ive ever known, and now im almost back there.
Shit its killing me; ive been in such pain for the last 2 months. The sick feeling in the pit of my stomach just wont go away.

I don’t know what to do, Im so so lost without her. I feel so alone, desperately alone.
So tomorrow im going abroad on holiday on my own, just to try and get away from the heartache inside. I don’t know what else to do….

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