Part 1

yesterday was warped tour. c apologized for everything. he dedicated a song to me in front of the entire crowd. he said ” so ive been an asshole to somebody lately and she means a lot to me. this song is dedicated to her.” something like that anyways. i kinda went blank as soon as he started. i cannot believe he apologized in front of all those people. as soon as he said it i just wanted to hug and tell him everything was fine. but i cant do that. i cant just let it all go. i have to think rationally. we talked a little while later and i gave in. i didn’t care that i had been bawling my eyes out the night before. i saw that he really was sorry and i caved. i knew he wanted to get together and i knew that it wasn’t the logical answer but i has sex with him anyway. when it comes to him i cant stay angry. i cant stay angry at anyone for that matter but with c it all disappears as soon as i see him. the second he grabs my hand everything fades away and its just me and him. its just two people who are in love with each other and want to be together. all the other shit going on become irrelevant for the time being. he is the only person i can every see myself sleeping with and i love that. i love knowing that he feels the same way. i love knowing that we have never had sex with anyone but each other. for two years we have gone through ups and downs and gone through some of the best and worst times we will ever face. we dealt with family problems and people passing away. we were there to study together for tests and finals. we were there to share the happy times and support each other through the not so happy times. we graduated together and toured colleges together. he was there for me when i got my acceptance letter to an incredible school that i wasn’t planning on getting into. if it wasn’t for him pushing me and looking into with me i never would have decided to go. he knew it was far away but he realized that it was an amazing opportunity for me and that it was the right choice even before i realized it. i was there for him for every show, until recently, and i have been there for all of it. i have been there for the loses and the wins. i have been there for the technical mishaps and the shows that were just plain horrible. i have driven hours in a smelly van just so he would see me when he was on stage. we have had problems but we have always found a way to work them out. sure i have cried and been angry and hurt but i wouldn’t take a second of it back. if i had the choice id do all of it over again. i have watched him grow and become an amazing man that has so many incredible talents. i have been devastated and felt pain that i would never wish upon anyone. he has done some things that should be unforgivable but for some reason i forgave him. he has taught me so much about myself and i owe a lot to him. i learned how to be more outgoing. i learned how to take a chance on something even if there might be risks. i learned how to face one of my fears and be in a crowd. i learned how to voice my opinion and not be afraid of somebody not liking it. he taught me to not be so scared of everything. im not the timid girl in the corner anymore. he helped me become the person i am and i am so thankful. the last two years with him have been priceless. eighteen out of those twenty four months we were dating. sixteen months officially. with c i am the girl i want to be. with c i am happy and confident. he is the first person to make me feel beautiful. he is the first person that i have been comfortable doing anything with. i never feel embarrassed about myself around him unless i do something ridiculously stupid and even then he makes it funny.  i want to be with him no matter obstacles we have to face.

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