Part 2

i want to be happy and have fun and enjoy my summer. i only have a limited number of days left. things were so good. pretty perfect actually but of coarse it couldn’t last for long. every time things are good and im really happy there is always something that tears it apart. this time i don’t know if i can fix it. i don’t know if i have enough strength left to deal with all of this. how am i supposed to be my own person and be responsible if im still being told what to do every second? im told that i am trusted yet i cant do anything i want without approval. how am i supposed to learn and make mistakes if i cant do anything on my own? im leaving. its happening. there is nothing i nor anyone else can do to stop it no matter how much its wanted. i need to be able to do things on my own if i want to have a chance at school. sure im responsible. i can take care of kids for work and i can stay home alone and i can get things done no matter how much work there is to do. i can babysit Aaron every weekend and cancel plans so he can be here during the week. i can make life decisions about were im going to college and what im going to pick as my career. i can figure out how to pay thousands of dollars all on my own with no help. all of that i can do and maintain a smile and stay calm. but this is too much. i cant take anymore hurt. i am at my breaking point. i have finally broken and i cant pick up the pieces when they are still breaking. i need everyone to just back off and let me do things by myself. i have done a pretty good job on my own so far and i don’t need anyone to do things for me now. im eighteen and i am more than capable to make my own choices without having to feel guilty about them. i want to be able to do something to make me happy just because. i dont even remember the last time i dropped everything and just did something for me. i want to stop feeling like i am disappointing everyone. including myself. i want to be happy and i cant do that without disappointing the person who i have spent my entire life trying to make proud of me. i want to be the person he wants me to be but i cant do that. i cant live up to the standards that were put in place for me. i want to be with the person i care about because i feel better around them. i feel like everything just might turn out okay. its what makes me happy but it disappoints somebody who i don’t want to let down. i am at rock bottom and every time somebody reaches out with a hand to pull me up another pushes me back down. im about to give up

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