Thankful

I am thankful that this work week is almost over. What a long week this has been. I don’t feel well and I just want to go home!

Today is one of those days that I just want come home to B and the kids. Get a shower and relax and do nothing. I didn’t get to talk to him today. I sent a few texts but he didn’t respond. He wasn’t feeling well himself yesterday. 🙁 I would do anything I could for him if I were there. But I’m not. Some times I ask myself if I keep fooling myself into thinking we could actually be an us. I’d like to think so but am I fighting for something that isn’t mine to be had? Why can’t I find someone around here to fall in love with? Why can’t I find someone to make me happy here? I believe everything happens for a reason and I know I will be a stronger person on the other side no matter the outcome of B and I but crap, this sucks. I am not getting any younger. I want my happy ever after to show up before  it’s too late. I keep trying to distance myself from B to leave space to be happy here but I don’t see anyone else right now. Other men approach me, walk by and speak and I speak out of courtesy but they are not B. Why at 27 am I caught up like a teenager? Am I losing my mind finally? I had to ignore my feelings for him once before. They never went away but it got to a point of handling it. Do I do that again? Do I give up and let time decide or will I then regret not fighting for what mattered to me? I hear his voice or get a text and I smile. How do you walk away from someone that can do that? So many questions and no answers. Story of my life. 

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