minor swim.

So I saw her again today…

Surprised to see that her smile still makes me melt… I wonder what that means…

It’s hard seeing these feelings she has for me… I see them and appreciate them, and all I want to do is make her happy… I hate letting her down, I do. And she’ll never believe that.

And I know you love me. I think I believe that you’re actually ‘in’ love with me.

And I hate that I’m reminding myself of Zach every time I push you away. Just like him but he was stronger than I am. I fucking know how much it hurts… Ugh, I know it… It’s the fucking worst… Except I’m not falling for someone else like he was and you actually have someone else that makes you happy…

We need this Serena…

Ugh, damn it babe… I love you so much it hurts.

I don’t think we should talk til the 20th or 21st…

~

Today I played adult bingo for the first time with Serena and John, the perfect people. It was really great, I learned a lot and I love being around people who aren’t uncomfortable smoking around me. I know I’d never win the prize but I’d play bingo with you anytime.

<3

I could still hug and kiss you forever. I think you’re so beautiful.

 

There’s no right way to end this journal.

 

4 thoughts on “minor swim.”

  1. You’ll never know how much I really hurt. How bad it hurts to be pushed away and not good enough for the one you’re ‘In love’ with.

  2. Did that art work for you… all for nothing. Silly me thinking that if you saw it then maybe you’d see how much I really do love you. Silly me for thinking it would make you fall Back in love with Me.

  3. Trust me Serena, I know how it is to be pushed away, and you have it easy. I just explained that up there. And you are good enough. You should know that. You know what the problems are.
    I’ll admit to you, at first I wasn’t a big fan. The initials freaked me out… But now every I think about it and pass by it, I smile and I’m so glad the initials are there…

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