Just a journal

It’s 25 August 2013. I woke up early in the morning because I just can’t sleep well last night. There’s a thing I’ve been thinking always. I can’t sleep so well every days. I was wondering if there’s a chance to breath normally again? A friend of mine wake me up around 6 half O’clock in the morning. I try to continue my sleep but it didn’t work better. It’s so cold outside the balcony and I saw some men down there. I guess there’s a program they’ve been doing today. It’s pretty early in the morning and the world has just begun (like it did the morning). I don’t really sure how much time I close my eyes and I still can feel it. I feel something bad will happen and keep following me even the next day hasn’t coming yet. How much do I sigh and it feel like my heart keep beating like a bomb and it gonna explode and brings my liver out of my body. This is suck. It is nice if tomorrow will disappear without appear because I just hate Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday! These five days! If tomorrow’s appear my life gonna be over! I can’t count how much time I sigh. It felt terrible when people look at you and they asking but you couldn’t speak it out and answering them, because you just speechless and stiff. It’s Sunday and of course! I’m going to the church in the morning. Not like last Sunday. I felt so tired and I let the feeling control me and the effect is never went to the church. But I feel good going to that place today. I am not a devout person but I just believed what I have to believe and I do. Life is so hard to be expected. Walking with another friend who older than me just to find the piece. I know I can’t get what I want here. I know this is something ridiculous. But I try my best to make myself smile. It becomes harder when you know you are in a big trouble. I’ve been spending my day with that friend for walking in the shopping complex but we do not buy that much. It’s just looking up for something that never sold. It’s ‘freedom’ and ‘piece’ that I looking for.

~to be continue~

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