It’s been 12 months since I was sent home from hospital, to die, after being refused surgery at Wellington Hospital. Don’t get me wrong, I never wanted surgery in the first place. I knew that all the medical assumptions were wrong, because they didn’t have my entire medical history,(it had been lost,in the system, somewhere along the way,) and I was too unwell to tell them. So it was a good thing!
I was sent home from hospital with the expectation that I would die, so they gave me a hospital bed, a wheelchair, a commode, a lazy-boy recliner and an army of “Palative Care” nurses to make my dying ‘last days,’ easier for me and my husband who actually took care of me, after having spent 8 weeks in the hospital being pumped full of all their nasty poisons. My body had blown up like a puffer fish and my skin had turned blue-black! The colour of death!
When I got home, my husband had bought me a new single bed, but for 8 more weeks, I slept in the hospital bed. And I slept, and slept and slept……. and then, around the end of September, I pulled myself out of the bed toward the computer. I had no energy so Icouldn’t go to my diarys’ I couldn’t remember passwords or user names …. but I felt that I had to go find out what I needed to do to build up more energy: and find out what I could do for my Heart Failure, now that I was not going to be operated on!!?? I found something written by Dr Bruce West, about Heart Failure sometimes stemming from ‘malnutrition of the heart muscle.’ Immediately, I knew that this was the answer to my problem. I read his article, copied and uploaded it to my desktop because this was what I was going to do to deal to my own Heart Failure. I asked my husband to go buy the necessary foods that very afternoon, and by January of this year, 2013 – I was released from Palative Care, no more nurses: I had cut my medications from 20 tablets a day in July, to 12 tablets in October, to 8 tablets in January 2013 – to 6 tablets today! And as the last journal entry pointed out, I can do anything, again….. only, I have to do it slowly, so much planning goes into my efforts each day.
I feel like a new person. During this time of recuperation, I have learned much about life, what’s important and what is just “add-ons,” and I have learned much about death too. I was there, in that valley of death, for 5 months, 20 weeks – before the black cloud lifted and I was able to ascend the ladder of Light! Yet, when I was in that valley – I saw that I HAD to choose whether I was going to Live or Die. Everytime the choice was presented to me, I always chose LIFE!
I wish I knew if this was true for everyone who faced death. When I had peritonitic-appendicitice at 15 yrs, head injuries from Car smash at 18, I was surrounded by people who were praying for me. Especially my mum & dad.Now that I am older, I feel that it’s my responsibility to choose and to pray that choice into place. I do the same thing for my children, my husband, my grandbaby and my animals!