Choosing To Live

Lost in a maze of thoughts, not knowing which one is the right one. Her mind is becoming a black night without both moon and stars, The lack of ambition restrains her, freezes her in the moment, she possesses neither the will to go forward nor to go back. The once decisive woman has become a girl frightened by her mind.She was down and under and strength had run away from her

Hopeless she took  to the ground in surrender to her fate. In that moment of weakness light crept in as she remembered the happy days of old, blinded by the brightness the darkness was reduced to nothing. Her mind began to actively reason as it decided and realized there is hope, giving up was not the only option. The heart became alive as the heavenly adrenaline kicked in; a low pulse, slow beat and even slower physical response. Disappointment coupled with slight confusion took over as she questioned, how she got into the state she was in, which road led her there. Silence answered her loudly reinforcing the message that she was alone, she has been for so long and has been disguising it as solitude. Falling to her knees seeking to find the path that brought her here longing to go back, to go back to the days where her mind was a clear blue sky and her friends were human beings and not echoes of her thoughts. She knows not any other way to leave that space of loneliness but to go back using the same road that brought her there but the road downhill seldom has any memorable markings. Faced with no choice but to move forward, fear struck and gripped her with both hands. The fear of walking the untrod-den path, the mind wrestled with the heart, the still small voice against the loud restless voice; the inner voice she used to hear she had drowned unknowingly. She couldn’t remember the sound of that voice but she could recognize it even in the crowd, the still small voice triumphed as she gave it centre stage. An indescribable peace swept over her and with an inner strength she took one step forward and another.

As she walked a limp could be seen in her stride, the pain of her hip brought with it a fresh revelation and understanding. She had been living through her own power for so long, broken promises to herself and to those who loved her, gone against her own will so often that it had become hard. She couldn’t feel, emotion escaped her and indifference became her being. She remembered attempting to make a change at some point, and that time she was sure she had surrender it all to the Lord and yet in her own strength she tried to change and live. An unsuccessful endeavour. She had abandoned everything she knew but her Heavenly Father never abandoned her not once did He stop loving her. The voice never left. With a sigh of release, she gave up all that she was and all that she was not, this journey of life she was going to travel under the guide of the Lord.

She mumbled a prayer of repentance, committing to making a u turn from the life she lived before and asking God for strength, strength to live each day the way He intended it to be lived, strength to always let Him be in control. And with that she broke into tears as she lifted up her voice to sing “Shepherd of my soul, I give you full control wherever you may lead I will follow. I have made a choice to listen to Your voice, wherever you will lead I will go. Be it in the quiet pastures, or a valley day and deep, should I face a mighty mountain or by a gentle stream the Shepherd of my soul will be my guide.”

She chose to live, not merely exist as a body without soul. She chose to live for the Lord, through Him she chose to live and have her being. Placing every thought into the captivity of Jesus Christ, so that one’s thoughts would be obedient to the Lord. For as a man thinketh so is he. Feed off the word, no matter how tired , or boring or busy you are read the word, connect with your Creator and don’t try to live this life on your own.

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