Letter to Death

2 Samuel 12:23 But now he is dead. Why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he will not return to me.”

Every day someone passes on but not everyday is that someone of close relation.The message is received in the dead of a cold night ripping my heart out with each spoken word, another person has ascended leaving behind a body without soul/spirit.  The news unbelievable, you long for it to be a bad dream; a conjuring of the mind born out of fear. But the phone calls keep coming and people both known and unknown insistently pass on  their condolences. Each moment hurts more than the moment before instinctively one searches for something anything that will take the pain away.

Why,? How?  Did our prayers lack the fervour required to avail much? He was the kindest, most thoughtful, humblest and most loving and caring person and brother. The world needed more people like him, if anything not less. He deserved more, more than leukaemia, more than endless bouts of pain and suffering and more than death. He deserved to see his children grow up and witness the fruits of his labour. But death knows and cares not about that. He fought hard, never gave up tried everything and anything.  A valiant soldier and remarkable individual,  it was a good fight…I guess his body grew tired. The frustrations and anger of a hurting heart manifest themselves in many ways and cannot be quietened so easily.
There is an emptiness inside, his presence is not only missed but craved for; 5 years ago, 2008 was the last that I saw him face to face, felt his protective embrace and said goodbye. Then death was not on the deck of near future cards. In the hope of seeing each other again plans were made and cancelled as many complications arose.  What I would give to hear his voice once more, or drink of his overflowing wisdom. I should have called more, communicated more…should have, could have all words of regret.
He can’t be dead, no they are lying, even if they were his whats-app was last seen 26/10/2013 a good 17 days ago, the first stage of grief begins its course. Oh God is it really happening,  I am tired soo very tired of things going wrong.  The rough days have been prolonged into years and this might be the straw that breaks the camel’s back.

My mother calls and I hear the pain in her tear filled voice , no mother should have to bury her son; no toddler should attend their fathers funeral yet it is happening in my world.  ” Give him back, bring him back..just one more day” …please Lord please so I can at-least say goodbye.What am i to do with the love that I had for him? What do I fill the void in my heart with? Question comes after question.Nothing but silence can be heard.  There are no tears, I can feel the numbness take over my heart as it hardens. The pain of the past and present accumulated, joint forces and together forming a wall around the heart. I should be crying rivers but the tear glands are empty and so I lay my head to rest in hope that when I awake none of this would be realityAs the dawn of a new day quickens to light, I go down on both knees and say a prayer.  God gives us strength, comfort and peace to help us go on. He carries us on His wings and reassures us that it is ok, everything is going to be just fine, we may not understand but we believe.

Isaiah 41:10, 13 fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand … For I, the LORD your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you.”

The sovereignty of the Lord is unparalleled and regardless of what happens He is always in control.  Father to the fatherless,  comforter of all, the omniscient and omnipresent God will help every one of us to get through the storm. To the Lord I say thank you for sending Jesus to die on the cross for our salvation and i can proudly proclaim that my brother died having given his life to the Lord and is heaven bound…To death I say where is your sting?

1 Corinthians 15:54-57 When the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written: “Death is swallowed up in victory.” “O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?”

2 thoughts on “Letter to Death”

  1. I know how painfull it can be to lose a loved one.I’ve already said goodbye to four people in my family two of whom died young.They’ve gone off to a better place where they won’t suffer pain or shed tears.I know i’ll see them again someday.

  2. I have lost a lot of people i love to and we will see them again. My Dad when i was 15 and my Mom when i was 28 and my sister when she was 42:) And so many more:)

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