Jealousy

I needed some venting. My sister and I got margaritas tonight. They were amazing, but I felt so lame and the second one was too strong. Sitting at home by myself on a Saturday night while all my friends from school are drunk texting me is impossible. It sucks. It makes me feel like the biggest loser. It’s not that i need to get drunk to have a good time, it’s that all my friends are from school, and everyone here makes me feel so introverted. It’s like, even when my friends here are available, I don’t even care to see them. My friends and I at school are on this totally different level. We connect.

Let’s talk about how I also feel like an overprotective mother right now. It’s embarrassing. My boyfriend is running around DC with his guy friends and I stopped texting him because A) I feel like I’m bothering him and B) I want him to have a good time and not worry about ‘My GF texted me 1 minute ago, I need to text back.’ But, I get scared. There’s my jealousy hitting again. I just make up shitty scenarios in my head, like his friends telling him to go dance with a hot girl and they egg him on like, ‘Dude, your GF isn’t even here!’ Yeah. Overprotective mom. And then my friend is also running around DC texting me a mile a minute… ‘Crying,’ ‘In bathroom,’ ‘I give up on him,’ as I’m trying to give the best relationship advice in the world.

What a great way to spend my night. Overprotective-mom style.

Also, today I felt like a shitty person because I cussed out one of my roommates, who happens to be good friends with 2 of my good friends. I just hope she doesn’t fuck it up between me and them. I don’t really care about her herself. She was so rude. I spotted my shirt on her Instagram in a new picture, a shirt that she borrowed a week ago. Granted, I forgot about it, but the fact that she took it on our break and wore it as if it were her own is just appalling. If you borrow something, usually BORROWING means you borrow it for the night, wear it, return it in a timely manner, AKA the next day AKA when you are not wearing it. It’s just common courtesy. When she proceeded to be a bitch making up excuses, I also sent her a picture from a year ago of me in a shirt that she stole and told her it’s clearly mine and has been missing for a year. She denied the whole thing and said I wasn’t worth her time and that she would only return to me what was mine. She again proceeded to be an asshole, so I blocked her phone number. Thank you, iPhone. And, I hope she comes back from winter break and sees “HER” pink top missing because I’m taking that shit back. It’s mine. It is not a coincidence that a year ago I bought 2 shirts that were the same color, and 1 of those has been missing for a year AKA when she took it. It”s just ridiculous. I’m convinced that there are no good people in this world. My parents gave me too high of standards, I guess.

I always give people the benefit of the doubt, and I give so much leeway. However, I bite my tongue way too much and for too long. if you push me to my breaking point, I bite you. I don’t care. Bitch mode comes in.

Anyway, I just want my boyfriend cuddling me in bed right now. He is seriously my everything and makes me undeniably happy. I wish he would call me. Maybe I will ask him if we can talk tomorrow. Just to hear his voice would make my day. The kid is amazing. Hopefully he isn’t “amazing” with another girl right now.

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