What do you think it’s like to see life through others eyes? To see, feel and even hear what other think about you? I often come to wonder what it would be like if others saw me? What their natural reaction and opinion is. I bet most people automatically think – “Oh she’s must be faking.” “Why does SHE need a walking stick!” SHE’S surly not ill, look at her! She’s too young!” “Sick! Why pretend to be ill, when your not!” “She must crave attention!”
There just some of the many things i feel as if people would think about me. Not only that but i have also heard these things being said about me as they stroll past. I know that in this dayandage we are all to easy to jump to conclusions about people and secretly judge. I too, have my moments when my curiosity and judgmental mind gets the better off me. But I don’t constantly do so, nor do I say these things aloud. I would never dare to-do so, as that is extremely rude, and by far hurtful. Being disabled my self I too know how tinny little comments and judgmental looks can get to you. It’s hurtful! You as the observer would not think so, but it is!
Through out my life so far, this is what i have grown up with. Horrible little snickering in the corner, judgmental looks, and stares from near and far. Young and old judging me with every step.
Its horrible to think about really, to think this is what I have to put up with, but I don’t really look at it like that now that i am older. When I was younger, all these looks and stares I got, always got me down. I would hate to go out, as I know people would stare. The older people being the worse. Younger kids/teens i could understand, as they don’t have much understanding when it comes to disability’s, but parents, elders and OAP’s staring, now that really got to me! I hated it. Mostly the OAP’s would be the worst, the first to pipe up and ask questions. To shout out their opinions on me to the whole town to hear! At the time, I would break down in tears over it. I didn’t understand how I seemed to be the only person/kid that was ill. How come it was me? Why did I have to suffer? Why didn’t people understand? Was I really that different? What had i done to deserve this?
You see, I have a condition call rheumatoid arthritis. I have lived with it my entire life, since I was a young child. My condition deteriorating as I grew up. I wasn’t as bad as it was when I was younger, as I could still run on odd occasions, and use scissors and write with more ease. So I guess to strangers all they could see at the time was a young little girl with a walking stick and a limp. But it wasn’t just that. I hadn’t just hurt my self playing football or playing. I was disabled.
Now that I’m older I still get the same looks and stares, from all ages. The OAP’s still being the worst! But I get on with my life now, I am proud to be who I am. I still have moments with life gets the better of me, and I go into a state of crippling depression, but that’s bound to happen, as like all people, we still don’t understand it, even though we do. I have been in and out of hospitals since i was little, the hospitals now being my second home, I’m there that much. I now go out with out a care in the world as to what people think about me, as I know, know matter what my family will always be there for me and they are the only ones who will truly see me for me. No judging. Unless of course I’m acting like my usual, twat-like self! Then maybe some judging 😛
I still have my stick (plus a few extras) Still got my limp. Still have pain throughout my body 24/7 but that don’t mean I’m unhappy. I now have serve R.A in almost every join in my body, but that doesn’t mean I’m any different then the rest. Yes I have a limp. Yes I walk funny due to my pain. Yes I use a walking stick or wheelchair. But that doesn’t not mean I am any different then the rest of you! I to have feelings, of which get hurt but comments you make!
So what I’m trying to say is, don’t be so quick to judge. Take a moment to think and see both sides of the story, as not everything is as simple as it seems.