Today is another day.
Today was a long day. I worked again tonight, and you would think it would be busy being a Saturday night and all, right? I’ll tell you what… it was slow. How slow? We had to call off our live music because there was barely anyone in the restaurant. It picked up a little bit, but my co-workers kept trying to practically politely shove me out the door since there would be more money to be made with less people present. Whatever. I almost got 4 hours in on the clock. Whoo. 😛
Speaking of which, my schedule has been really shitty lately. Like two week days and a Sat. This week I am scheduled Mon and Sat, with two on call shifts. Like seriously? WTF? Keep in mind, I have worked at this upscale restaurant for the last 4 years! And I am a great employee. I think it is because we just hired a bunch of beautiful idiots and they are getting all the good shifts.
It is not fair. It sucks. I mean I am fairly cute, but definitely not like these model status biatches we have been hiring lately. Even if they are junk servers they get good shifts. It really bugs me. I am even thinking about looking for another job because of it. 🙁 I let my boss know that I can work more, and he said that’s awesome and plans on scheduling me more around the holidays, but I hope he keeps to his word.
College classes have been a pain in my arse. It is almost finals time and I can’t wait until they are over. Then at least I can get a few weeks of a break from school. I am a junior, almost a senior at a local university. The university itself is kinda junk… like you go to a job interview and they aren’t going to be wowed by your state university degree. But, with my scholarships and grants, the entire cost of my tuition and books is covered 100%. So, that is why I go here. Otherwise, I would go to a mainland college with a great reputation. Trust me. I graduated high school with honors and Magna Cum Laudem, an AP student and in a ton of clubs. Little did I know it would end me up here…. in anotherdaysville.
Some people think living here on a rock in the middle of the pacific ocean is awesome. Like WOW! What a great place to live, I wish I could go on vacation there. Let me tell you, having been born and raised here my entire life, it is not as awesome as it seems. There is literally nothing to do besides go to the beach or go to the mall or walk around. After 9pm, almost everything is closed. It’s junk. Plus, all our schools here suck. Traffic sucks. The cost of living sucks and everything is about 2xs much as on the mainland. I went to Oregon a few years back to visit family, and walked into the grocery store and almost bought everything because it was so cheap compared to here.
Sometimes I get so damn downcast. For example, my cousins from LA called me today and we were talking story about our lives. They had an amazing Thanksgiving dinner with their neighbors and family in a two story mansion in the suburbs of CA. Today their mom was throwing a huge party and later they were going to be going to LA’s hottest nightclubs on VIP status.
What was my Thanksgiving like? I ate a Thanksgiving take out from a local diner on fold out chairs with my dad in an empty house. (He is moving soon.) And you want to know the highlight of my day today? I finished half of my statistics homework, folded my laundry, ate a grill cheese sandwich with a salad, was able to work a few hours tonight and had free slice of pumpkin pie with whipped cream. Whoo hoo.
I suppose I shouldn’t be so downright ungrateful. I know I have it much better than most people. But, it kills me because I know I have so many options – I am just scared of change, and I don’t know what to do. For example, my aunt who lives in an awesome house with a nice lifestyle(the mother of the cousins I just mentioned) has offered several times in the last 2 years for me to come stay with them and go to school in CA. But, my dad and her hate each other and are in the midst of an inheritance battle. I feel like I would be betraying my dad if I left. Plus, my mom, dad, and stepdad live here. And I am not sure I would be able to afford another school over in CA. IDK, I could establish residency and such.. but I only have about a year and a half left at my school now. What should I do?
I mean, as of now I am making barely enough money to pay my rent and expenses. I am essentially working to only barely pay my bills. And trust me, my expenses are around $1700 a month. That is what you get for living in paradise. I pay $800 for a room in an older house that has mice and a stained carpet. Why? Because it is one of the most desirable towns in America. I kid you not. The beach 5 min away from me was rated #1 in the world a number of years in a row.
Tourists have been taking over our little town. I think that might contribute to why everything is so expensive. I guess it wouldn’t be so bad if I got more shifts. I think my boss cut my shifts because I was complaining about not doing as well in school. (Mostly because I hate my classes and my professors, not because the material is hard.) I am just so confused..
I never get to see my boyfriend either. He works with me. He is kinda one of my managers, but not directly. It is a long story. He is 11 years older than me. Anyway, he works 6 days a week, 12 hrs a day. I kid you not. He is the exec chef. It sucks because I feel like I never get to see him, we don’t live together and he lives about 30 min away and the times that I do he is just so exhausted he is barely awake. Other than that aspect, he is awesome and our relationship is great. He makes me really happy.. we make a year next month. I just wish I could see him more and he would be less tired. I can’t blame him though, his job is super demanding and I know he is on salary.. sometimes he works like 70 hrs a week. It makes me sad sometimes. Especially this week, when his only day off is a day that I have work and school. YAY. I love waking up at 5:30 am and having school til 3pm, then work from 4pm til whenever depending on how busy it is…
I just get frustrated sometimes I guess. Looking back a few years, I never thought my life would be like this… I know it is constantly changing but I am not sure what to do now. They always said get good grades in high school, go to college and do well. Get a good job. Well, here I am, a junior in college taking a major (Psychology) I am not even sure I like, going to a college I know don’t really like, at a job that barely makes ends meet and living in a crap hole on a hill. I don’t know what to do.
I guess I should be more appreciative. I am trying to be, but some days it gets hard and I just want to cry. I was an amazing student in high school, and now I am floating by in college (I still have a 3.5+ GPA but this semester I think it might go down, due to a lack of sleep and enthusiasm.) Working and going to college is no fun. This sucks. 😛