My Life at the Moment #3

Today I told two of my friends about my suicide attempt (I claimed it was a long time ago, but in actuality it was about 7 months ago). It came out by accident when I was arguing with one of them and said “Maybe I’ll just try to drown myself again!” He looked shacked and questioned me for a bit until I said that it was a long time ago. When I told the other friend, he pulled up his sleeve and showed me scars (which had healed). I was shocked about that. He always seemed happy, cheerful and worry-free. He then asked about mine and I showed him my hands. I had stopped purposely scratching my hands six months ago, but there are slightly dark marks on my hands. They are much more apparent to me though. We were both staring at each other probably wondering the same thing:Why? Neither of us pressed on the situation. I kind of feel relieved by telling people about this though. They are the first people I have told about it (like, really told about it, not being online and hiding behind a screen name or anonymous.) I am very glad that neither of them judge me severely different. The only thing that I am worried about is my friend¬† with the scars on his arm.

*The more I stare at my hands, the more apparent the marks become.

2 thoughts on “My Life at the Moment #3”

  1. Hi KB! I am new to this site, so hopefully I am not intruding by commenting. I could only imagine how horrible things were for you to make that attempt. I seriously thought of killing myself earlier this year, but never actually did anything (I decided to overdose, but couldn’t find the right drug/dosage). I came to realize that when I was in that stage, I wasn’t myself. I started to really believe that mental illness like depression (which I’m diagnosed for) really is just a disease. The thought of self-harm is just a symptom, the depression doing its thing.

    I believe what you “did” was not really your doing, and I hope you are doing much, much better and realize that the “real you” loves you and will never hurt yourself.

  2. @Viriya
    Oh it is no problem that you commented! Thanks though for your encouraging words. I am happy that you are better, and that I am getting better. Just thank you for understanding too.

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