I can’t believe its Christmas already. A year has gone by so fast. People think oh its the most amazing day of the year, not for me. First I’m Jewish, so I dont get anything…but that’s not the point. Society today has made it a whole big shpeal. With the light. And presents. And food. And decoration. Its crazy! The Holiday’s are supposed to be about family. The little things. If you get a present your lucky. Now its people killing each other for a toy Lil jimmy wants! Like wtf people!
The worst part about today is my one year. Its not exciting. Its actually really sad. I year ago I had a boyfriend. We had been dating for five months at that time. We thought we were in love. We wanted to be together for ever and all that bullshit. Sure enough, we were fooling around. He wanted to have sex and I told him no. He begged and begged and still I said no. I dont really want to say how exactly it happened, but the next thing I knew was pain. He was in me…literally. I screamed hoping someone could hear me. No one did. I couldn’t get my wrists free. It hurt a little bit, but the heat was worse.
After that I cried a little. He rapped me. I was already very mental sick at the time. I was suisidal, suisidal ideation, depressed, anxiety, and starting to self harm. He knew all this. I thought he loved me and even after I believed him when he told me. It was all very hard. He beat me a couple times too but that’s for another day…
To this day I still think about it. At least once a day. I wish I could go back in time and change it. When I think about it first I get mad, telling myself it’s my fault. Then I get sad because I know in the back of my mind there was really nothing I could do.
So another year has gone by. And I am still me, no one can ever take that away.