truth

            You’ve never felt how your heart breaks into pieces. It’s inexplicable, like it’s really broken. It hurts. It hurts very much. I never believed people when they talked about broken hearts until it was my turn. Feel how it breaks, how is fragmented, how cracks slowly until it’s shattered. Agonize. Then, you’re like dead. Constant sadness, you don’t trust nobody because you just can’t. Fake laughs, joy as little as small sparks, and your glow turns off. That’s until someone comes up and fix you. The worst part is that you, the one who made me cry ‘til I was dry, you saved me. You joined every piece, slowly, little by little, carefully. You told me pretty things again, you apologized, you kissed me and hugged, and you promised not to hurt me never again. Until I was happy and confident again.

            When I come to trust again and love you as I loved you, you dried me. You empty me. Like I was nothing, like a toy, like a doll you throw away when it’s broken, because is useless, because you used her until you could not take anything more from her. That’s why you throw her away.

            You don’t know what you want, you don’t know what you’re looking for, because you don’t even know who you are. I used to think that the problem was in me, ’cause you seemed so happy and sane, I thought there was something wrong about me. Then I understood. I understood that what you need is love and affection, that you’re needed of someone to care about you. You need to know there’s someone that will always be waiting for when you need her without asking for anything in return.

            Because you feel lonely, you feel empty, and you’re looking wildly a way to fill that emptiness. That’s why you smoke, that’s why you drink, that’s why you like crazy stuff. ‘Cause what you want is to feel alive.

            This relationship has never been healthy for me. Does nothing but destroy me slowly.

            I fell in love with your pretty words and your crazy thoughts. I fell in love with what we could’ve been, the ideas, the dreams. Besides, I fell in love with you. What was behind that mask of a “bad boy”; the real guy, the one of the stories and genuine laughs. I fell in love with your ways and your manners.

            And the worst of all this… Is that I’m still crazy in love with you.

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