What do I wish for this New Year? I can’t see how I could list them all…
Mostly, it is about changing my self. Whenever I think of new starts, I find myself writing long lists of things I should do to improve myself. It has never been successful.
I am as scattered-minded as I could be, although not as depressed. It’s probably the WB and celexa doing its job. I feel like I need a fresh new start. But I can’t do that with long lists. I need to try something new.
I realized that I can grant myself a fresh new start. I don’t have to move to another town or get a new job for that. In fact, moving might not help me get the new start I need, if I don’t have the right mindset.
So, I asked myself, what does it mean to have a new start? What is the appeal that draws me into it?
It’s the desire to get away from the past, the mistakes I’ve made. To not think about it.
Maybe that’s it?
I thought I needed to be with new people, in a new town, new work place, new boss to be able to really start a new life. Truth is, if it’s just the past I’m trying to get away from, I can escape by not thinking about it.
The past only exist in my head. It’s not there any more. If I don’t reconstruct it, I don’t have to relive it.
The only way to not have the past haunt me is to not think about it at all.
So, this is my New Year’s resolution: to live in the present. To live in this year, not in any of the previous 24 years of my life. Happy New Year to me.