Thoughts.

It’s 2014. I honestly didn’t think I’d make it to here. Well here I am. The list I made will probably be forgotten, like every other list I have made. I can’t even complete a simple list. It is quite pathetic. I really should get help but getting the help I need is expensive and my family can’t afford that. They have already spent too much on my physical health. I keep letting them spend money keeping someone alive who doesn’t even want to be alive. I should just end it, but I am too much of a coward to hurt myself more than simply leaving scratches and pulling out my hair. When I tried to drown myself, something made me not go through with it, and I think it was just a fear of dying. I would know for sure, but it is a repressed memory, and all I can remember is sticking my face into the sink while it was full of water. Later I found out that drowning is a very unpleasant way to die and I tried thinking of less painful ways. I want to end up dead somehow, but without feeling pain (which is impossible, I believe). I honestly doubt may people would miss me. I probably won’t end up killing myself, seeing as there are no painless solutions around and sinks terrify me now. I’ll stick around.

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