Falling off

I was clean for 3 years… it had been a little over 3 years since I had cut.. it felt so good to be clean. I was so proud of myself when I stopped. I never wanted to do it again. I still don’t.

 

But yesterday I had a complete mental break down and I ended up cutting. It’s the deepest cut I think I have ever done. I thought it felt good at the time, but to tell you the truth, it doesn’t. I wish I could take it back because now I just regret it. I know that it’s okay to break down, but I was staying strong and I know that what I did was the wrong way to deal with everything I was going through. I have a wonderful boyfriend and I have an amazing family, even though I don’t always think so I know it is true. I should have gone to one of them instead of acting the way I did towards them. I was a bitch to them, and I regret being that way. I did what I worked so hard to stop doing, and I tried to push them away instead of trying to talk to them about what I am going through to allow them to help me. My biggest worry is that they won’t understand what I am going through, that the demons I have been fighting will push them away… I just don’t know what to do.. I’m scared to let them in..

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